» The Police

Stag night
It was my stag night in Sheffield on a freezing February night, we'd had plenty of booze and were looking for a restaurant to warm up in with a nice hot Indian curry.

We get to the top of Fargate (a pedestrian precinct) when I notice my mates gathering around. I'd let my guard drop thinking nothing was going to happen by this time.

I get picked up and one-two-three swung straight into the ice-cold fountain that's now no longer there.

A police van comes screaming up and I shout "Officers, arrest these men!", a copper says "What's going on here?" to which a mate replies "It's his stag night", gets a not-in-the-least-bothered "Carry on lads" and they drive off!

That was it. Bastards. Mates and coppers alike.
(Fri 23rd Sep 2005, 11:22, More)

» Scars with history

Racing down the farm lane on my bicycle...
...clapping my hands to see if I could get to 100 before the bottom. Pretty steep, tarmacced and a single lane.

Smack-bang on the 100th clap (couldn't have timed it better for a film) the front wheel hit a stone and the bike shot off to the left, whereas inertia insisted I carried on going forwards.

I slid face-down-star-shaped for 20 yards and stopped wrapped up with my bike, blood pouring from a gash on my right-hip/stomach area.

Crying my eyes out like a twat (I was about 10 so I was one) and a car comes along and starts beeping at me to move out of the road.

Bastards.
(Fri 4th Feb 2005, 11:41, More)

» Job Interviews

Yorkshire retard
(BTW I'm from Yorkshire too so it's not a sweeping generalisation.)

This wasn't a trick question and I was the interviewer not interviewee, please forgive me for not following the rules on this QOTW...

I was interviewing someone in early 1999 and started the interview off with a history of the company and the current IT projects, including that we had just completed a 2-man/five month conversion of our entire in-house IT system ready for 4 digit years in order to handle the change from 99 to 2000.

The interview went pretty badly and he was a no hoper but the crunch came when I asked him if he had any questions...

(In broad Yorkshire accent)
"What you reckon of that millennium thing then? I reckon it's a big hoax like what all them viruses was in t'eighties."

Bugger me, what a waste of 10-man-months.
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 16:42, More)

» Now, there was no need for that...

My mother
often laughs* about the time as a child she jumped over a wall, rather than climbing through a nettle-covered stile, and landed on a bee's nest.


*Evidently it wasn't funny.
(Tue 21st Jun 2005, 17:32, More)

» Weird Traditions

Coins
It's been my tradition/habit since I was about 18 (almost 20 years ago) to always turn coins Queen face down. Two reasons:
1) I despise the royal money-sponging waste-of-space bastards
2) Freddie was a far superior Queen! I idolised him so I hid the fakes!
I still do it to this day even though I'm not really a Queen (the band) fan anymore.
(Thu 28th Jul 2005, 14:32, More)