Profile for Ripley:
My first post:
I think he was disqualified
Absolutely Spliffin'
Alien vs. Predator: Now they're really shitting themselves
"And maybe aftewards you can stay over…"
The Ballet Rambert - Rugby Union
cultural exchange wasn't quite what Ivana expected
Consider yourself
Fakkin' nicked
Your starter
for teh
Profile
I'm too fast to live and too fakkin' old to care
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- a member for 5 years, 3 months and 13 days
- has posted 512 messages on the main board
- has posted 8 messages on the talk board
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- has posted 3 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 0 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 1 qotw answers.
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My first post:
I think he was disqualified
Absolutely Spliffin'
Alien vs. Predator: Now they're really shitting themselves
"And maybe aftewards you can stay over…"
The Ballet Rambert - Rugby Union
cultural exchange wasn't quite what Ivana expected
Consider yourself
Fakkin' nicked
Your starter
for teh
Profile
I'm too fast to live and too fakkin' old to care
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Toilets
As usual it's a "this happened to a friend of a friend…"
Our story begins with a strapping young chap (known throughout the land for his consumption of vast quantities of beer and white hot curries). Enter pretty young girl who falls for his charms and before you know it they're banging away like an outside bog door in a gale.
This continues for some time. And our hero is all the time still quaffing ale and indulging sphincter spikers. Then came the day the object of his affections suggests that he meet Mum and Dad. Many a young man whould normally take to the hills at this request - but the boy is in love so dutifully agrees to show up at the address for Sunday lunch. Not seeing his true love on the Saturday before he joins his mates and heads off on the piss, the evening concluding with the usual atomic vindaloo. The following morning he's hit by the most ferocious shits. Undeterred he gets dressed up and keeps his appointment with girlfriends parents. After introductions are made and sherry handed out, they all make their way to the dining room. Now it could have been the additional alcohol in his system… but he suddenly needed to go. Keeping control of his seething innards he excused himself and was directed to the toilet upstairs. Here he proceeded to create his own 'Jackson Pollax' within the bowl. Not a problem a quick flush, splash round with domestos and it was gone. The problem was the smell! The air was thick with it, a cloying stench that rivalled the open sewers of medevil London, so bad he could actually taste it. Suddenly he remembered that striking a match will clear a room of offending odours. Reaching for his Vestas he took out five (to be sure) and sparked them off. At that point one of the flaring match heads broke away and landed directly on top of a pile of bath towels. These then caught fire. The flames licked up the side of the bath igniting the shower curtain. Panic gripped him, grabbing the burning towels he thust them into the toilet and flushed. Next he pulled the shower curtain and pole down into the bath and turned on the shower. Although he averted the distaster of the house burning down the damage in the bathroom was collosal and it still stank of shit! Forgetting love our hero then climbed through the window and legged it to the pub. Needless to say he never saw her again.
(Tue 6th Sep 2005, 16:33, More)
As usual it's a "this happened to a friend of a friend…"
Our story begins with a strapping young chap (known throughout the land for his consumption of vast quantities of beer and white hot curries). Enter pretty young girl who falls for his charms and before you know it they're banging away like an outside bog door in a gale.
This continues for some time. And our hero is all the time still quaffing ale and indulging sphincter spikers. Then came the day the object of his affections suggests that he meet Mum and Dad. Many a young man whould normally take to the hills at this request - but the boy is in love so dutifully agrees to show up at the address for Sunday lunch. Not seeing his true love on the Saturday before he joins his mates and heads off on the piss, the evening concluding with the usual atomic vindaloo. The following morning he's hit by the most ferocious shits. Undeterred he gets dressed up and keeps his appointment with girlfriends parents. After introductions are made and sherry handed out, they all make their way to the dining room. Now it could have been the additional alcohol in his system… but he suddenly needed to go. Keeping control of his seething innards he excused himself and was directed to the toilet upstairs. Here he proceeded to create his own 'Jackson Pollax' within the bowl. Not a problem a quick flush, splash round with domestos and it was gone. The problem was the smell! The air was thick with it, a cloying stench that rivalled the open sewers of medevil London, so bad he could actually taste it. Suddenly he remembered that striking a match will clear a room of offending odours. Reaching for his Vestas he took out five (to be sure) and sparked them off. At that point one of the flaring match heads broke away and landed directly on top of a pile of bath towels. These then caught fire. The flames licked up the side of the bath igniting the shower curtain. Panic gripped him, grabbing the burning towels he thust them into the toilet and flushed. Next he pulled the shower curtain and pole down into the bath and turned on the shower. Although he averted the distaster of the house burning down the damage in the bathroom was collosal and it still stank of shit! Forgetting love our hero then climbed through the window and legged it to the pub. Needless to say he never saw her again.
(Tue 6th Sep 2005, 16:33, More)
» Evidence that you're getting old
Walking past
M&S and seeing a cardigan in the window and thinking "mmm that looks comfy".
I find that I thoroughly enjoy breaking wind - to the distain of my missus who always complains - my reply is nearly always: "Everyone needs a hobby"
(Sun 31st Oct 2004, 23:01, More)
Walking past
M&S and seeing a cardigan in the window and thinking "mmm that looks comfy".
I find that I thoroughly enjoy breaking wind - to the distain of my missus who always complains - my reply is nearly always: "Everyone needs a hobby"
(Sun 31st Oct 2004, 23:01, More)