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» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Mysterious appearance of chairs
A few years ago, I went to Brixton Academy one new years eve.

Over the course of the evening, I managed to consume enough pills to reach the usual end result of being a bit of a mess.

I also ended up painted in bright orange body paint, because it just felt sooooo nice.

After dancing all night, the paint had started to run, making my face completely orange.

Towards the end of the night, I decided to have a sit down to sort my head out a bit. I retrieved my jacket from the cloakroom, and staggered across the room, and spotted a free stool just off the dancefloor.

I walked over to it, covered it with my jacket, and then sat down. It was at this point, I realised that it wasn't a chair at all. It was some guy who was probably also trying to sort his head out, sat on the floor with his legs tucked in to his chin.

I jumped up, picked my jacket up, said "sorry mate, I thought you were a chair", and then dissappeared off in to the night.

I always look at the incident from the other guys point of view. He is having a moment to sort his head out, when suddenly a bloke with an orange face, and quite possibly wild staring eyes, walks over, the world goes dark, and then someone sits on him, then promptly dissappears.

Having been in a similar state on many occassions, I really do feel sorry for it. If you are still in therapy, sorry mate, I really did think you were a chair!
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 13:51, More)

» Weird Traditions

speed bumps
Whenever I go over a speed bump, I must let my hands come off the steering wheel as I hit it, then flop back into the seat like a rag doll.

When my friends are in the car, we all do this automatically, without uttering a word.

We've done it for so long, it is impossible to go over a speed bump without doing it.
(Fri 29th Jul 2005, 13:58, More)

» The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis

has anyone said....
....your mum?
(Fri 13th Mar 2009, 9:15, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

What's got one ball & fucks women?
Peter Sutclifes hammer
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 17:54, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

Brought
As in "look at what I brought at the shops".

I just close my eyes & hope & pray that when I open them it will be a claw hammer or a dictionary. But it never is.

Maybe I should buy a hammer & excitedly exclaim "look at what I bought", before caving their skull in. I'd probably feel they brought it upon themselves.
(Sat 10th Apr 2010, 21:55, More)
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