» Petty Sabotage

Petty Sabotage
Well I've pulled my share of cruel pranks on people who I thought deserved it. Not all of these were sabotage per se, but many were. And they amused me while satisfying my vindictive sense of justice.

One of my marks was a coworker who had deliberately gotten me fired from my job. We'll call her Julia, that being her name and all.
Why did Julia do it? I dunno. She seemed, from my first week on the job, to be disgusted with my incompetence (and, in all honesty, I was incompetent; it being my first week on the job and all...).
Well, Julia happened to have been listed in the phonebook. So I was able to get her address and phone number.
So what'd I do to the bitch? Well, I picked out a dozen or so cheap paperback novels that I had laying around the house, and left them laying scattered around NYC with the same message scrawled on the inside cover. It read as follows:
"If lost, please return to Julia (her surname, her address, her phone number). This book possesses immense sentimental value. Large reward if returned."

Then there was my asshole roommate Sam. Sam was antisocial and borderline agoraphobic. He was also cheating me on the rent.
Well, after I found out what he was doing, and before he knew I knew, I went into the bathroom, pissed on his toothbrush, and replaced in on the toothbrush rack.
The really funny part is that I told him, months later, what I'd done. He refused to believe it & went right on using it, w/o washing it, as far as I know.
This all happened during the recession of the 1990's in the US, btw. This was why I was forced to take a telemarketing job. A telemarketing job that offered very loose supervision. Loose enough that I was able to leave messages on probably more than 100 answering machines in one night, informing dozens of strangers that I was Sam, and that even though they didn't know me, I had something vitally important that I needed to discuss with them.
According to a mutual friend, Sam's phone rang off the hook for 5+ hours. And the dumbass at no point took it off the hook.

Then there's my mom. Before reading this story, understand that my mother was quite abusive toward my brother & I (I tell you this not to garner sympathy, but to look like less of a prick for what I did to her).
Well, after one of the screaming arguments she baited me into every few months through most of my teens, I sat down in front of her stereo & turned it on. She has the radio running.
I set it on CD before any music could play. I then set the volume past 11, to EARS WILL BLEED. Then I set it back to radio. I heard just a second of music before turning it off. It was loud enough to shake objects in the room. And would still be, when turned back on.

Those are only a few of them. I may post more later if any other amusing ones occur to me.

btw, no apologies for length or width.
(Sun 8th May 2005, 22:24, More)

» Job Interviews

So you want job interview stories, eh?
I've got a few doozies. Here's my best:
A few years ago, I had an interview, arranged through a temp agency, at a firm on the southern tip of Manhattan. This was long before the Towers went down, btw.
So anyway, due to train delays, I was running late as I approached the building, though I was probably less than 5 minutes off the time I'd wanted to make. I figured I could carry it off if I ran for the elevator. So this I did.
And only then, after the doors had closed, did I realize that I was on the wrong elevator (not stopping at my floor). So I did what any of you would probably do in that situation - I took it back to the lobby & ran to the right elevator bank. When I heard a security guard yelling at someone, I ignored him - surely he couldn't be talking to me, right?
Wrong. He was. He flagged me down and insisted that I come to the security guard desk or else I'd be forcibly removed from the premises.
"I can't have you running amuck in this building,” he explained to me when I got to him.
He was absolutely convinced that I was there to commit some heinous crime and would hear nothing to the contrary. Two maintenance workers joined him as I tried to reason with the dullard. The trio of cretins stood around, glowering menacingly at me. One of the broom pushers flat out called me a liar when I told them why I was there. "You're not here for any job interview," he said.
Finally I talked him into calling the firm where I was scheduled to interview (ten + minutes ago, by now). Well, it seems the person who was to interview me was out sick, which resulted in another ten minutes delay while they scrambled around looking for the names of the applicants he had been going to see that day. At last, they found the list and my name on it.
Even then the dumbass was unconvinced. Or maybe just trying to save face. In any event, he stood right there, after an executive had vouched for me and said the following to the exec:
"Well, alright, but it's on your head if he does anything wrong."
Needless to say, I didn't get the gig.
Sorry for the length, btw. But it's a good story, isn't it?
(Wed 26th Jan 2005, 2:52, More)