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» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me
Parents.
I know that most people think their parents are either fabulous or utter bastards when they are 15.Weīve all been there and huffed when they tell us off,given them the silent treatment and general self-centred door-slamming bollocks because "they just wouldnīt understand".After all,no-one else in the world has EVER been what through youīre going through,especially your own parents.
I was precocious,only in the fact that I twigged I was gay very early on.To me it wasnīt really an issue(OK,i did write some terrible angsty poetry,but nonetheless).Long story short,I had made a new friend who was clearly gay,and this raised some eyebrows.Before I knew it,I guess I fell in love.With hindsight,it was reciprocated infatuation.Anyhoo we wrote to each other every day and the phone bill went up enormously.Until he wrote to say that we should spend less time together and he was scared of what he felt.(We were 15,after all.)
Cue Youngarse going into hiding.I was devastated,and could barely string together a sentence without bursting into tears.
After two weeks of this,my parents sat me down for a chat.They gave me a few beers and the ashtray to help.
The upshot is that,although we had never been a very "open" family we had a 4 hour talk about everything.My homosexuality was discussed,my friend was discussed....you get the picture.
My mother ended the conversation by saying that no matter what happened,I was her son.And nothing could be more important than that.She told me to walk tall,head high and be me.She explained that love comes to you when you least expect it and can literally change your world,(Iīll vouch for that).She said she would time to adjust to my "situation",but assured me that even if she was upset or quiet or irritable,she would be there.I found years later that she took time off work because she found it hard to cope,joined a "parents of gay children" group to try and help me andeven had words with my headmaster (all boys school,you see.....)
So really,Mum,this oneīs for you.You probably have no idea that the reason Iīm sane and happy is because you were there.
I think the nicest thing you can do for anyone is love them,and have a little space in your heart for them.I try to do that,but then again I had a great teacher.
Apologies for lack of laughs-Iīll try harder next time.
(Wed 8th Oct 2008, 16:23, More)
Parents.
I know that most people think their parents are either fabulous or utter bastards when they are 15.Weīve all been there and huffed when they tell us off,given them the silent treatment and general self-centred door-slamming bollocks because "they just wouldnīt understand".After all,no-one else in the world has EVER been what through youīre going through,especially your own parents.
I was precocious,only in the fact that I twigged I was gay very early on.To me it wasnīt really an issue(OK,i did write some terrible angsty poetry,but nonetheless).Long story short,I had made a new friend who was clearly gay,and this raised some eyebrows.Before I knew it,I guess I fell in love.With hindsight,it was reciprocated infatuation.Anyhoo we wrote to each other every day and the phone bill went up enormously.Until he wrote to say that we should spend less time together and he was scared of what he felt.(We were 15,after all.)
Cue Youngarse going into hiding.I was devastated,and could barely string together a sentence without bursting into tears.
After two weeks of this,my parents sat me down for a chat.They gave me a few beers and the ashtray to help.
The upshot is that,although we had never been a very "open" family we had a 4 hour talk about everything.My homosexuality was discussed,my friend was discussed....you get the picture.
My mother ended the conversation by saying that no matter what happened,I was her son.And nothing could be more important than that.She told me to walk tall,head high and be me.She explained that love comes to you when you least expect it and can literally change your world,(Iīll vouch for that).She said she would time to adjust to my "situation",but assured me that even if she was upset or quiet or irritable,she would be there.I found years later that she took time off work because she found it hard to cope,joined a "parents of gay children" group to try and help me andeven had words with my headmaster (all boys school,you see.....)
So really,Mum,this oneīs for you.You probably have no idea that the reason Iīm sane and happy is because you were there.
I think the nicest thing you can do for anyone is love them,and have a little space in your heart for them.I try to do that,but then again I had a great teacher.
Apologies for lack of laughs-Iīll try harder next time.
(Wed 8th Oct 2008, 16:23, More)
» Desperate Times
Coal Scutter..............
I used to stay at my Grandmotherīs house for a few weeks during summer,and of course being in my teens,needed to fwap it on a regular basis (ah,those were the days...............)Granny didnīt have much hardcore porn in her house (surprised?)so I used to wait until she threw out the "newspaper" into the garage to look for rudey pictures.
Being of the pink persuasion,"Emma" from "Stoke" and her 36C jugs didnīt really do anything for me,so I religiously searched for the "Page 7 Fella" (often ugly but nonetheless muscly bloke in speedos).Sadly they didnīt print one every day so i would wait until she was in bed,Sneak down to the garage,shuffle through HUNDREDS of copies of the paper,arrange my dastardly treasure in a semi circle and spaff into the coal scuttle.
It was only when she mentioned the she thought birds were getting into the garage and shitting in the coal that I stopped,and happily found out that quite a lot of 16/17 year old boys in the area were .........ahem,.....curious,and I could get blowjobs off most of them no questions asked.
Desperation often precedes revelation,my friends...
(Thu 15th Nov 2007, 18:35, More)
Coal Scutter..............
I used to stay at my Grandmotherīs house for a few weeks during summer,and of course being in my teens,needed to fwap it on a regular basis (ah,those were the days...............)Granny didnīt have much hardcore porn in her house (surprised?)so I used to wait until she threw out the "newspaper" into the garage to look for rudey pictures.
Being of the pink persuasion,"Emma" from "Stoke" and her 36C jugs didnīt really do anything for me,so I religiously searched for the "Page 7 Fella" (often ugly but nonetheless muscly bloke in speedos).Sadly they didnīt print one every day so i would wait until she was in bed,Sneak down to the garage,shuffle through HUNDREDS of copies of the paper,arrange my dastardly treasure in a semi circle and spaff into the coal scuttle.
It was only when she mentioned the she thought birds were getting into the garage and shitting in the coal that I stopped,and happily found out that quite a lot of 16/17 year old boys in the area were .........ahem,.....curious,and I could get blowjobs off most of them no questions asked.
Desperation often precedes revelation,my friends...
(Thu 15th Nov 2007, 18:35, More)
» Too much information
Grandadīs manky willy
Wasnīt there personally,but apparently tīwas one of the defining moments of my younger brotherīs life.
Picture my parents and brother begrudgingly sitting through the twice annual luncheon with my Granfather(RIP)and his rather batty wife.
To be fair,she had had a brain tumour removed years ago,and was on the wrong side of sane-we loved the stories her friends would tell us about how she ran into shops and collapsed or dropped her skirt etc.....
ANYHOO...during this ill fated dinner,my Grandfather needs to go to the menīs room,and while heīs away his wife pipes up(in a very loud voice).....
"JOHN REALLY OUGHT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR,YOU KNOW.HE HAS A DISGUSTING GREEN DISCHARGE LEAKING FROM HIS PENIS.IT SMELLS VILE".
Cue choking and stares from across the crowded restaurant and spontaneous embarrassment combustion from my nearest and dearest...
He returned from the toilet and when he sat down he asked why everyone was looking at them.Poor bugger.
FIrst post and obligatory length remark.At least mine doesnīt leak goo.....
(Mon 10th Sep 2007, 18:38, More)
Grandadīs manky willy
Wasnīt there personally,but apparently tīwas one of the defining moments of my younger brotherīs life.
Picture my parents and brother begrudgingly sitting through the twice annual luncheon with my Granfather(RIP)and his rather batty wife.
To be fair,she had had a brain tumour removed years ago,and was on the wrong side of sane-we loved the stories her friends would tell us about how she ran into shops and collapsed or dropped her skirt etc.....
ANYHOO...during this ill fated dinner,my Grandfather needs to go to the menīs room,and while heīs away his wife pipes up(in a very loud voice).....
"JOHN REALLY OUGHT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR,YOU KNOW.HE HAS A DISGUSTING GREEN DISCHARGE LEAKING FROM HIS PENIS.IT SMELLS VILE".
Cue choking and stares from across the crowded restaurant and spontaneous embarrassment combustion from my nearest and dearest...
He returned from the toilet and when he sat down he asked why everyone was looking at them.Poor bugger.
FIrst post and obligatory length remark.At least mine doesnīt leak goo.....
(Mon 10th Sep 2007, 18:38, More)
» Pointless Experiments
Pant jumping.
Sadly not my own work,but nonetheless,pretty stupid and indeed foolhardy.
My mother told me one day (over a dry Martini),that it was a wonder I was ever born....
WHY???Mother....????
Apparently my father used to be a bit of a show-off,doing wheelies on his scooter,drinking lots etc....and so she regaled with their first ever "post-shag" story.
To impress her the morning after his heroic enterprise,he decided to hold his boxer shorts out in front of him and jump into them.
And failed.Spectacularly.
He missed both legs and split his head open on the bedside table.
Mother says she knows I wasnīt conceived then because the fit of laughter basically forced all his top-hatted swimmers out of her.Thankfully she gave him another chance.
She says that she knew heīd be a great father,there and then.33 years later and I absolutely agree with her.
Mind you ,he is a bit of a fuckwit and the fruit didnīt fall far from the tree...
Length??He got a second chance,so who cares......
(Thu 24th Jul 2008, 18:14, More)
Pant jumping.
Sadly not my own work,but nonetheless,pretty stupid and indeed foolhardy.
My mother told me one day (over a dry Martini),that it was a wonder I was ever born....
WHY???Mother....????
Apparently my father used to be a bit of a show-off,doing wheelies on his scooter,drinking lots etc....and so she regaled with their first ever "post-shag" story.
To impress her the morning after his heroic enterprise,he decided to hold his boxer shorts out in front of him and jump into them.
And failed.Spectacularly.
He missed both legs and split his head open on the bedside table.
Mother says she knows I wasnīt conceived then because the fit of laughter basically forced all his top-hatted swimmers out of her.Thankfully she gave him another chance.
She says that she knew heīd be a great father,there and then.33 years later and I absolutely agree with her.
Mind you ,he is a bit of a fuckwit and the fruit didnīt fall far from the tree...
Length??He got a second chance,so who cares......
(Thu 24th Jul 2008, 18:14, More)
» Accidental animal cruelty
Non accidental cruelty and animals.
My younger cousin (now 12)has always been a girly girly type,and when she was 6 or 7,she really wanted a virulent pink Barbie furry jacket for Christmas.......
She got it,and ponced around the place as happy as a pig in shit.
Until I told her it was made out of rare coloured kittens.
Cue lots of crying,a sharp bollocking from my father,but strangely a pat on the back and a beer from her father...
twas cruel and involved animals..did i mention she looks like a hamster??
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 16:13, More)
Non accidental cruelty and animals.
My younger cousin (now 12)has always been a girly girly type,and when she was 6 or 7,she really wanted a virulent pink Barbie furry jacket for Christmas.......
She got it,and ponced around the place as happy as a pig in shit.
Until I told her it was made out of rare coloured kittens.
Cue lots of crying,a sharp bollocking from my father,but strangely a pat on the back and a beer from her father...
twas cruel and involved animals..did i mention she looks like a hamster??
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 16:13, More)