» When animals attack...

On cold winters night
I rescued a rather large albino rabbit. The poor little bugger had frost on his ears but he was otherwise okay, he must of been right because the first thing the little shit did was piss all over me.

Any who, there were three houses in hopping distance of this rabbit and everyone played dumb when we tried to find its home, and we eventually found out why.

The cunt was evil.

It would escape any run or hutch, and the garden but it would always come back. It would get out of its run and stare at us through the lounge window for hours on end, it would find its way into the house and make hit and run attacks on any bare flesh in range, it would spring from nowhere and attack my mother and it would periodically rape the shit out of our German Sheppard dog.

Fortunately, one day it tried to molest my sister. She tripped over and crushed the fucker.
(Thu 2nd Jun 2005, 10:20, More)

» Scary Neighbours

Charlie Uniform November Tango
A former neighbour of ours was a bundle of laughs. Not only would I spend many a cheerfull hour tending the wounds of his girlfriends head after he beat her, but I would also try to teach his disfunctional son how to talk like a normal three year old, and not like he has been raised by a twat.
The man threatened to stab me, stab my mom, burn our house down and kill my dog, between smashing up our cars and generally upsetting the locals.
Imagine our joy and rapture when the police rang us up to tell us (the officer was laughing at the time) that the stupid cunt had hung himself. I danced on his grave, and shat on it.
No.
Really.
Pants down and coil out a good 'un.
Oh, and as his corpse hung from a lonely tree in the woods, someone robbed his trainers.
I love neighbours.
(Sat 27th Aug 2005, 0:20, More)

» Beautiful Moments

My perfect moment
was when I saw my homeworld from orbit for the first time.

Oh wait, that was Captain Picard.

My life is shit.
(Fri 11th Mar 2005, 12:46, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Oh, here's another one
While at school, we had completed a mock exam in physics and the teacher was going through the questions.
"Question 96, Mains electricity is Direct Current"
Really.
I replied "Like fuck, its AC"
She was adimant, as was half the fucktards in the group (bare in mind they were 15 years old and second from top in the school)
She wouldn't belive me and told me to announce my answer to the head of science and the top class.

He, and his class pissed themselves laughing and she soon vanished from the face of the earth. British education sucks anyway, without retards like this trying to teach.
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 12:06, More)

» Stupid Tourists

Near where i live
is Ironbridge which is a world heritage site due to the industrial revolution starting about a mile down the road. Anywho, this little village by the river Severn attracts tourists of all shapes and sizes but to us, it’s a nice place to go drinking and we often ride through it on the horses.

There I am, taking a breather with a tonne’s worth of shire horse with the brasses, looking a million quid. I however am dressed in a manky tee-shirt, shorts, riding helmet and trainers. A stereotypical yank tourist (fat, ugly, shorts, terrible shirt, expensive camera and an even fatter wife) asks me why I wasn’t in Victorian costume. After several minutes of complete confusion I managed to convince him that it wasn’t the late 1800’s, but he was outraged that he had travelled here, seen the sites and paid for a museum pass and I had not made the effort to wear a costume or play the part of a tat man.

Cunt
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 6:33, More)