» Stupid Tourists

When in Paris just before Christmas
my (now ex) girlfriend had convinced me that we had to go to disneyland we were in the que for the Star Wars ride (CP-30 sounds all the worse in French) talking away when the guy in charge said there were two places left and looking at me asked how many. Of course I answered in my best " Oui, deux" to which four Glasgow nedettes with a pram turned to me and went "Bloody Frenchies"

Needless to say I was rolling.
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 18:31, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

In a pub somewhere in Yorkshire
in the loos scrawled on the condom machine
"insert baby in slot for refund"
(Fri 4th May 2007, 0:52, More)

» Awesome Sickies

Worryingly not so made up
I once had to call in to work in the morning after waking up in a lot of pain in my right lower extremity (my leg not some scary testicle incident)

The reason "I stabbed myself in the leg and it really hurts now."

Yep the night previous I had managed to plunge a brand new stanley knife an inch or so into my leg just above the knee pointy end first after ignoring the "cut away from yourself" rule. Twunt. I spent three hours in A&E having a not so comical conversation going between being asked who stabbed me (I do live in Paisley ned/chav central) and me admitting my own stupid mistake.
(Wed 14th Jun 2006, 23:05, More)