» Crap meals out

A Restaurant Called "Food" in Manchester....
Slowest service I've ever experienced.

Soft drinks cost more than the alcoholic ones.

The ultimate insult was having waited for ages to order, for the food to come, and then having had to ask for the bill several times and FINALLY received it, the waitress pointed out loudly that "service is not included"

The only answer possible was, just as loudly, "Yes, we noticed."

It is rare that I leave an "insult" tip, but on this occasion they had really earned the £0.02 which I left.

Oh, they went bust shortly after. Good.
(Thu 27th Apr 2006, 23:43, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Merkins. In Lincoln
Lincolnshire is the FLATTEST place I've ever seen. It seems to only have one hill, and that's in Lincoln itself.

Upon climbing said hill, an American tourist pointed at a tower in the distance (say a couple of miles away) and asked me if it was the Telecom Tower (this being a few years ago - 'twould be the BT Tower now). I tried to explain that London was not terribly close and that this was, really, unlikely. But he wouldn't have it. Twunt.
(Wed 12th Jan 2005, 0:18, More)

» Posh

Posh as fsck
A family tree which goes back earlier than 1066.... A family name which is so posh its spelling changed over the centuaries (a "quer" in the middle becoming the more English "ker")

A genuine ancestor called "Baldrick".

A (great)^n Uncle being Ethelred the Unready.

A few misc royalty splintering off the tree (how embarassing).

And more illegitimacy in the line than you could shake a stick at.

Oh, and always ALWAYS port out & starboard home ....
What more do you need?
(Sat 17th Sep 2005, 18:28, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Northern Lights
As a student, a bunch of us heard that the Northern Lights were, unusually, visible from England. So we all pile out (around midnight), into my little old Metro and drive out from Manchester city centre to the middle of Saddleworth Moor.

There we stand staring up at the... thick layer of fog, not well known for aiding sky-based observations.

We return (about 2am) to our Hall of Residence. The Porter, not the sharpest tool by a long way, asks where we have been and we tell him about our complete failure.

"Oh, you won't see the Northern Lights tonight lads - they're over Oxford"

Same Porter once blew my mind and vastly expanded my understanding of sheer stupidity. He spent 5 minutes explaining to me about the days getting longer and shorter throughout the year. Yawn, like I didn't know. But then he hit me with this simple statement which floored me: "That's the system... but I wish they'd change it". WTF!!
(Sat 8th Jan 2005, 6:24, More)

» * PFFT *

Aged about 8....
Boring lesson at school. Not concentrating. Out slips a monstrously loud one. Everyone turns around to look at me. Smoothly and without batting an eyelid I turn with the rest to stare at the poor sod behind.

Got away with it too, probably because the noise echoed around the huge classroom so loudl that it seemed to come from all directions.

He deserved it though.
(Wed 18th Jul 2007, 20:56, More)