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currently spending three years of my life skiving and a certain scabby university in the midlands...and loving it!!

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» On the stage

i don't do drama...
but my sister has always been heavily involved...

she used to perform in a local youth theatre group and one performance, in particular, sticks in my mind...

it was something to do with greek mythology i think, or some such bollocks - agamemnon.

the director was a pretentious luvvie, who actually detested children and had no time for any of their oppinions or ideas. so when one day he announced that the entire cast would be hanging off one of the scafolding towers for part of the play, no one dared mention that it would only support a maximum of 8people.

all went well in rehearsals and finally the opening night was upon them all. there was one last rehearsal in the morning, to make sure that everything was perfect for the evening's performance. (you can see where this is going, can't you...) everything was going perfectly, until the scene where the cast had to hang off the tower. now 20-odd teens hanging off a 20ft tower, that strictly states no more than 8 at a time is asking for trouble! add to that the fact that they all had to be wailing and swinging themselves about whilst on it and you're heading for a disaster...

oh, what a disaster is was! the tower fell backwards complete with the, now screaming, actors and crashed to the ground. those on the lower levels (including my sister), were relatively unharmed, but about half the cast had to be rushed to hospital - broken bones, concusion, serious head injuries, etc.

what could the director do!? phone around and let people know that it was cancelled? refund the money to the people who had bought tickets? phone the parents of those who were now in casualty?!? no. he did what any hard labouring director would have done and pressed on with the performance, with about half of the remaining cast!

it was one of the weirdest plays i have ever been to see. it made no sence, as many scenes had to be cut, due to lack of consious people left to perform it. many were crucial to the plot and alot of the audience walked out.

the best bit was at the end where one of the actors had a solo speech and had looked a bit woozy throughout the play anyway. she walked towards the front of the stage, made to start her speech, threw up into the audience, passed out and was promptly rushed off to hospital to get her head looked at.

i was the only person clapping at the end, much to the consternation of the rest of the audience!
(Mon 5th Dec 2005, 5:31, More)

» Near Death Experiences

Aberyst....Mid-Wales 2003
my friends and i were on a beach in wales for someone's birthday...

there were some very tall cliffs on this beach and we were all sat underneath them. one of blokes (who was showing off to some girl we wanted to shag) decided to climb said cliffs. now these were covered in huge pieces of *heavy* slate rock.

up he goes...almost to the top...

...DOWN comes a single *massive* boulder of slate...

there were about 30 people in the group, all sitting under the cliffs. the boulder thunders down the cliff hits a lip and is flung, sharp corner first, into *MY* back. Cue loud scream from me.

*blood*

*rushed to hospital*

boulder *just* misses my lungs and spine. i refuse to sit under cliffs now...but i have a great scar!

i kept the slate. he's called mick jagged and he lives on a rockery in my garden. he weighs just over 5stone :)
(Tue 30th Nov 2004, 17:24, More)

» That's when I knew it was over...

...when
i came home to find him in our bed with a 14yr old...they're still together - she's now 15...and he's still a dirty fucking paedo


bitter moi?!?
(Thu 21st Jul 2005, 14:07, More)

» I just don't get it

i don't understand...
face off...i STILL can't understand that film...it really baffles me...well that baffles me most is why people would want to watch it

oh...and i can't understand how men can find gay male sex disgusting but desperately want to do every woman they meet up the shitter?!?!?
(Sun 3rd Apr 2005, 18:35, More)

» Claims to Fame

really crappy claims to fame
*patrick moore once trod on my toe at the national science exhibition

*i have shagged pete doherty and kate moss...by PROXY

*my sister once asked Boy Geroge if he was a fairy when he was eating in the same restaurant as us (she was only about 4)...he told her that he was the fairy queen

*i once had my hair cut next to 'H' from steps - he is a compete cock

*i was in a clarinet exam when i was 8 and the adjudicator was called michael ball - you know, just like that singer bloke and i went to school with someone called michael jackson and someone called mark morrison

*my mum once saw bob geldoff in ireland and got a bit excited. she flung her arm out whilst exclaiming 'ooh, look it's bob geldoff!' unforntunately she was eating a sandwich at the time and forgot to put in down before pointing at him...the sandwich narrowly missed his head, he wasn't too impressed - she should have tried fucking harder!
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 16:41, More)
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