» That's when I knew it was over...

Nails in the coffin
Each one of these events was a nail in the coffin of our doomed relationship (which ended 3 weeks ago)

When he sweetly told me he was dealing with the ironing pile and then proceeded to iron all of his own clothes and none of mine.

When he cycled past me in a torrential rainstorm and just shouted and waved instead of stopping and giving me a backie, or at least his jacket.

When he told me he had booked a romantic weekend away in Dublin as a Valentine’s surprise (though it was 2 weeks after Valentine’s day) and it turned out that – “coincidentally” – England were playing Ireland (rugby) that weekend – “We might as well go along to the match while we’re here, eh love”.

When he casually revealed to me that he had been told in the past that he is probably unable to father children due to a physiological problem (veiny balls). 2 years after we had met.

When he switched all the lights out when my friend was round visiting me “because it’s past 10 o’clock and it’s time for bed”.

When he locked me out for the same reason.

When he asked me if I’d be upset if my newborn niece died of cot death before I got to see her. He really did actually say that. As a “joke”. That’s alright then eh?

When he refused to have my name added to his next to the doorbell even 6 months after I had moved in with him “because to be fair it’s my flat, and besides I’ve never had the pleasure of pulling birds and bringing them back here because I’ve been with you the whole time I’ve lived here”.

When he refused to go to my grandfather’s funeral “because I’ve only met him once”.

But the final agonising moment when I finally realised that this man is a tosser, was when we were on holiday recently and I nearly slipped as we were walking along by the pool. My instinct was to reach out to grab his arm for support. His instinct was to pull his arm away in case I pulled him down with me.

I could go on for days… wow this has been great, I feel cleansed!!
(Thu 21st Jul 2005, 12:20, More)

» Teenage Parties

Where am I
My ex told me about the girl at his uni who staggered into the student bar dance floor area, pulled down her jeans and knick knacks and curled one out right in the middle of the dance floor. Apparently she thought she was in the loo. She never lived it down. Well you wouldn't would you?
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 12:34, More)

» Encounters with Royalty

Did you know....
.....that when the Queen attends a function, she has to have her own lavatory. When this is being prepared, a security guard stands outside the lav door, whilst inside someone drops a peeled banana down the loo. If the security guard hears the plop, he has to move away. FACT!!!
(Fri 4th Aug 2006, 10:49, More)

» Awesome Sickies

I told you I was sick
I will never forget the time many years ago when I worked in a well known women's retail chain with a crazy mad nasty bitch for a boss. She absolutely refused to let people have time off sick - I tried to call in sick once and said that if I didn't come in then I wouldn't have a job to come back to! I was only a wee nipper, there's no way on earth I'd put up with that kind of crap now.

Anyway, one memorable day, one of my work colleagues (I shall call her Mona) approached the boss and asked if she could go home because she had an upset stomach. The answer was no. Now, looking back on this with the wisdom maturity brings, I don't know why Mona didn't just leave anyway. She was middle aged, married and a mother, and really should have stood up to the old cow. But instead she stumbled back to her spot on the work floor and suffered in silence. Until she had a bad attack of the runs and had an accident, on the shop floor, in front of everyone. Did the boss let her go home then? Did she hell. "Get yourself some new tights and knickers from the stand and get yourself cleaned up, we're busy." Absolutely unbelieveable.....
(Fri 9th Jun 2006, 14:41, More)

» Injured Siblings

Mentally scarred
My parents asked me to babysit my little bro, who was 4 at the time. I was about 16. I was quite bored, and decided to play a little trick on him. I am so ashamed of this.... I told him I was going to go out for the evening and he wasn't to tell anyone. He looked at me with his big blue eyes and whispered "OK..." I plopped him in front of the TV, made him a bowl of cereal, kissed him goodbye, then walked out the living room. Once into the halway, I opened and then closed the front door, without actually leaving of course. Scampered back and had a quick listen at the living room door, thinking he'd be up to all sorts he wasn't supposed to, but he was actually just sitting there trembling and crying softly. I felt SO BAD!!! I still apologise to him about it to this day, whenever we go out on the lash together.

I also used to pretend I was dead... that used to cause mass panic too... I must be sick!!
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 15:19, More)