» Ignoring Instructions

Food tech.
So, we're all lined up at the beginning of another lesson of Food Tech. Knives at the ready, today we're making pizza. Miss Judge parades the line of eager, wide-eyed faces.

"Boys, do wash your hands. The amount of idiots who went to the loo straight after chopping their chilli and came back in tears last lesson was ridiculous."
(Thu 4th May 2006, 17:45, More)

» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

Family
My girlfriend's great granddad found an arm whilst fighting in some war... so he stole the watch off it.

:/
(Fri 24th Mar 2006, 17:15, More)

» Teenage Parties

Not me, but...
My brother Ste loves to tell me this story when he's a bit pissed. It happened in year 11, and he's in his first year of uni now.

A mate was having a bit of a family party thing, and somehow Ste and two of his mates (one was the son of the host) ended up outside in the garden with an old school black bin (the ones with the handle on top of the lid) full of vodka, wine, alcopops, you name it. The three of them managed to get through it in a matter of hours.

So the next morning, they wake up in the garden, party over, to find a human poo in the middle of the lawn. One of them had been so out of it he'd actually squatted in the middle of the garden in the middle of the night to have a shit. The dad had to clear it up.

And to this day, the three of them have no idea who did it.
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 14:42, More)

» Child Labour

Paper Round
I do a morning paper round, which takes me about fifteen minutes (walking): £10/Week.

I do an evening paper round, which takes me about fifteen minutes (walking): £9/Week

I do two Sunday paper rounds, which takes me an hour and ten minutes altogether: £5/Week.

4 Hours and Ten minutes = 250 minutes

I get £24 a week, for 250 minutes of work = £5.76 an hour.

And I'm 14.
(Fri 17th Feb 2006, 12:54, More)

» I just don't get it

The Daily Mail
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. This newspaper annoys the feck out of me. What I don't understand is: WHY DO PEOPLE BUY THIS SHITE


CASE 1 - Today's headline "As Charles is forced to postpone the wedding until Saturday, can anything else possibly go wrong?"
So sue the Pope! Don't complain to me about how much you hate this monarch and come up with totally unexplicable "reasons".

CASE 2 - In 72 pages, there are:

11 articles/letters concerning the Monarchy.

2 Racist articles (1 concerning Islamic
Extremists).

1 Pro-Tory Article

2 Anti-Labour articles (including the Daily Mail's comment). 1 headline is "A guilty smile darted across the Prime Minister's Lips"

2 captions promoting Michael Howard.

1 Binge-drinking rant "The analysis paints a
grim picture of lawless town centres across Britain where up to 100,00 drunken youngsters are being policed by just 15-20 officers."

1 Teenage drug dealer jailed.

1 Extract from a book, World's End, concerning how exciting the Blitz was.

1 Articles criticizing the British Public.

CASE 3 - Complete letter "Prince Charles's rude "asides" at the Klosters news conference left me reeling. What a spoilt, arrogant, whining, self-satisfied ninny he is.
"He has obviously learned nothing from the Diana saga, nothing from the ongowing Camilla Parker Bowles saga and nothing from his parents.
"He hasn't the intelligence to gauge the feelings of the British people; he comes across aas a laughing stock, rude, ignorant and self-obsessed. Is this what money and position do for one?
"His outpourings are a thoroughly bad example for his sons (???). Let's prat they aren't over-influenced by their father's terrible attitude. Charles should do us a favour - marry Camilla, move over, and let someone of stature, common sense and authority stand as heir to this great nation."

Sorry. Rant over. Apologies for length, anger, girth, cases of racism, font and extracts from a truelly crap newspaper.

NOTE: I READ MY DAD'S COPY FOR THIS
(Tue 5th Apr 2005, 19:25, More)