» Inappropriate crushes

THE Sorceress
I make no bones about it, i've always been in love with, and always will be in love with, The Sorceress from He-Man.

It's not just that she's a very handsome lady who wears cock-bothering, whorish, sorcer-chic outfits. Wait...yes it is.

Sweet Jeebus! look at the fucking pins on it. Mmmmmm.


(Thu 28th Sep 2006, 16:11, More)

» Anything For Money

Went to a brothel in Barnsley for a male escort 'job interview'
I was going strong until the hagged Mademoiselle told me to get my wang out. Totally wimped out. Didn't get any money, but the woman gave me a menthol fag. I was 18.
(Fri 11th Jul 2014, 14:45, More)

» More Pet Stories

Lost snake
I bought a beautiful, bright pink and red albino corn snake when I was a student. I called her Lola. She was so lovely and would accompany me sometimes to the shops in my pocket, and would playfully wander about my person as I listened to music or read. I lived with 3 girls, who said they didn't mind as long as I NEVER let Lola out of her vivarium, and definitely not my room.

One day I came to feed her a pinky and she, to my total horror, had vanished. I never told the girls, and I never found Lola. Chances are she is still alive in the Sheffield terrace, eating people's mice and possibly babies if she's reached full potential.
(Wed 6th Feb 2013, 23:00, More)

» Fire!

fireball
When we were 15, me and my mate were bored and invented a game called 'Fireball'. This consisted of kicking a blazing firelighter around the garden. We found that the game wasn't really dangerous enough and so took it to the next level.

We wrapped 2 firelighters in a piece of cloth and lit them, then i took a petrol can from the garage and poised it ready to pour on the top. Upon pouring, the can caught fire and my natural reaction was to throw it away from me.

The entire garden (plus fence and hedge) turned into a giant pool of raging fire. It was a terrifying yet strangely beautiful moment in my life.
(Thu 3rd Nov 2005, 10:43, More)

» Child Labour

Will scrape cheese for beer
When i was 15 i decided to get a job to fund my premature drinking and smoking habits. I managed to swing a job in a small and busy 'French' cafe for £1.50 p/h. Straight after school i'd have to walk across town, roll up my school shirt and spend 4 hours cleaning plates and, unfathomably, scraping stinking, once-melted-now-rock-hard-and-gag-inducing cheese out of cups with my fingernails.

At the end of the evening, i would have to 1) unblock the drains of soft, rotting pestilence with my hands 2) clean the inside of he fridge *boke* and 3) sweep and mop the entire 2 floors of the building.

Call this political correctness gone mad, but looking back this is not only illegal child labour but also tantamount to abuse.

Oh the price a 15 year old has to pay to get some cider and 10 B+H...
(Tue 21st Feb 2006, 14:07, More)