» On the stage

SCROOGE
was recently involved in a production of SCROOGE, the musical based on Charles Dickns Christmas Carol. I was playing double bass, we also had a band of various other wind and brass instruments in addition to timpani and 2 keyboards. a few classic moments came out of this
Tiny Tim, a little 10 year old kid on a crutch on one side, within the one performance managed to switch the lame leg a few times, sang a whole song, a really sweet one 'on a beautiful day that i dream of' sitting on a table, legs open and swinging (as scripted) with his fly open, and slip over walking across his stage (his crutch hit abit of snow fluid). most of the band had a good laugh at this, except the timpani player who normally laughs at everything, so at the interval i mention it to him and his reaction, with a completely straight face and being completely serious, was 'yes i saw that, i just didnt think it was funny, after all the little shit managed to keep his balance!'

another night, our ghost of christmas present was meant to have a conversation with scrooge:
g: drink this
s: what is it?
g: the milk of human kindness
s: iv never tasted anything like it, can i have some more
g: (then pours more)

what ghost actually said was:
g: the spirit of human kindness
s: can i have some more?
g: NO!!!!
S: (looks very confused and put off)
he couldnt have been more wrong if he'd said rhubarb!
this actor, by the way, is the same bloke that comes on at the end of 42nd street singing, solo, FIFTY SEVENTH STREEEEET!!

another time, we were playing along for the reprise of the aforementioned beautiful day song, with a dead tiny tim singing off stage, very emotional moment, final note, meant to be very quiet, i slipped and twatted the bass string as hard as is possible without breaking a string, and if you dont know, a double bass is bloody loud!

On the last night, we (the band) decided to have some fun with our conductor. it also happened that his parents were in the audience that night, they came over from ireland to see his show conducting debut.
within the one night, half the band swapped places with the other half, a light jolly solo that should have been on piccolo was played comically on the trombone, we placed one of those fart speakers under his chair at the start of the week and he was STILL blaming the floorboards, and we found the nastiest picture of a huge fat black ugly woman naked, legs open, and selotaped that onto the page of his music that was the most emotional song of the whole piece



apologies for length, girth and all other things, but hey, iv finally popped my b3ta cherry!
(Sat 3rd Dec 2005, 2:52, More)