» Common

Think I might have a few of these....
...a few for starters

1) Double Negatives

2) Young Children wearing jewellery

3) People who call tomato ketchup 'red sauce'

4) Cars with '........ on Board'. Well done (!?) for procreating/ your children procreating/ having a child with ADHD.

Actually saw a car with 'Minger on board' not even a hint of irony on seeing the driver!
(Thu 16th Oct 2008, 19:27, More)

» Airport Stories

Happy Easter
During the foot and mouth outbreak of 1999 i'd visited germany at easter, at this time there was a ban on import and export of dairy and meat products, disinfectant troughs to walk through and quite a few hungry looking sniffer dogs! It's traditional to give out varnished hard boiled eggs and some time during the trip i'd been given one of the said eggs, pocketed it and promptly forgotten about it (there may have been copious amounts of weissbier involved!) Fast forward to the homeward journey, security control at Frankfurt Hahn airport. Metal detector goes off, i begin to get frisked by fearsome german security (wo)man suddenly she lets out a seriously not happy 'urgh as she goes through my pocket! In a brief moment of clarity i remember the now crushed 'eggy gift! Fear grips me, and i mutter repeatdly in broken german that i was so sorry and i'd forgotten that i'd been given it and how i wasn't trying to smuggle contraband dairy products to the UK. Thankfully, i just had to hand over the egg remains, got a stern look and sent on my way. All this time the rest of the people in my group (about 30 of us) had gone through security control and were now congregated, watching me, pissing themselves. Still haven't lived it down, wouldn't mind but i really hate bolied aggs anyway!
(Tue 7th Mar 2006, 18:38, More)

» How nerdy are you?

Nerdy, a bit sad, but ultimately quite organised!
Thanks to my years working part time in a library, all my non-fiction books are classified according to the Dewey Decimal system!

Unfortunately I do still regale friends with my (useful) knowledge, Haynes Motorcycle Manuals 629.28775 anyone?!
(Thu 6th Mar 2008, 20:08, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

Lego Hair
That is Her nick name (the lego man hair!)

Ginger by choice (hair dyed a lurid shade of orange!)

Has been observed having a feast on her own nasal and aural detritis, like she needs any more to eat (urgh!)

Useless at her job, been the same grade at work for far too many years. Not trusted to do anything remotely critical.

Avoided redundancy by going on maternity leave early (which also means she's about to spawn AGAIN!)
(Fri 25th Jan 2008, 21:09, More)

» Shoplifting

German Exchange - The Best display of kleptomania I've ever seen
Take a group of 13/14 year olds, let them loose in germany to learn about german culture and improve their language skills and what happens?

Possibly the greatest shoplifting fest ever!

Even the meakest student was not averse to 'going on the rob'. Booze, fags (why they kept them in baskets by shop checkouts, could they be anymore tempting even for a non-smoker!), ashtrays, china ornaments, porno mags, bennetton bags (v trendy circa 1987!) anything was game.

However, with all this tempting bounty on offer what did my friend and i do? Get caught in woolworths stealing three hair scrunchies! Did mention to her that we did have woolworths at home to no avail, Maybe she was homesick!

Shat it while in the security office, thought be going to get arrested, deported, sent to Auschwitz. With a pathetic bit of german and some crying they eventually let us go!
(Wed 16th Jan 2008, 19:12, More)