» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

helicopter pilots...
...tell customers that the heaviest people have to go in the back of the machine for centre of gravity issues (this is partially true), so the boyfriend gets in the back and the chicky babe in the short skirt sits up front.

We then use our immaculately polished instrument glass to look up her skirt.
(Sat 29th Sep 2007, 10:48, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

Windmills in Sweden
Enjoying a weekend away in Stockholm my lady friend and I stayed in a nice hotel in Gamla Stan.

The streets are quite narrow. Our room had floor to ceiling windows on two sides. One side afforded us a view of the harbour. Very nice. The other was about 5 feet across an alley way into a dusty old attic room.

In the evening we were starting to mess about and I figured I'd spice things up a bit by chucking a windmill. Now windmills are comedy gold, everyone knows that, and I can chuck a good windmill. I expected a chuckle, but my ladfriend could hardly breathe, she was crying and suffering convulsions. I figured it was funny, but not that funny. Spidey senses tingling I looked to my right...

The dusty old attic room by day was in fact a rather posh restaurant by night. There was a table of about 15 people sat five feet away from me; some slackjawed, some equally as amused as the lady the show was for, one or two about to call the police.

I dove for the floor so quick I got carpet burn on my cock, while screaming for her to shut the curtains. Did she? not a chance. I was now commando crawling towards them arse in the air, suffering the indignity of one last close up look into their accusing eyes as I drew the curtains.


p.s. I can recommend the Hotel Reisen's sauna equipped rooms. Just don't go to the restaurant next door. The floor show is awful.
(Wed 3rd Jun 2009, 4:29, More)

» Misunderstood

a right queer do...
In a restaurant in california, happened to be gay week at disney. most the lads have left the table for a tab, just finishing drinks and the waitress is clearing up.
local guide asks "So where are the other guys?"
me "they are all outside smoking fags."

dropped plates, smashed glasses...

guide"What! That means they are outside shooting gays!"

erm no. just smoking fags.
(Fri 7th Oct 2005, 17:22, More)

» Rubbish Towns

A low point in life
At one point I lived in Basingstoke and worked in Bracknell. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror.
(Sun 1st Nov 2009, 11:53, More)

» I Quit!

This has got to stop!
At college, a mate and i got job as a dish pigs in a soon to be opened uber pub/restaurant.

There was a dry run before the opening with all the staff. The bar was opened, drinks were served, the restaurant was opened meals and drinks were served. The bar was still open more drinks were served. We had a roaring time, ordering shots and malts, and wine, and pints etc etc etc

Then crivens, it was time to pay the piper...

Taking drinks with us into the kitchen to prevent the travisty of even slightly sobering up, much clattering, some smashing and a certain amount of personal injury ensued.

The manager burst in ruddy faced, shouting "This has got to stop!"

Hazy with booze, wrinkly with suds and blood, and generally high on life, we agreed and promptly staggered off down the road to another pub that we didn't have to work in.

and bless them, we still got paid for the time we were there getting smashed.

apologies if you are the ones who actually had to do the dishes. We owe you a pint.
(Tue 27th May 2008, 16:09, More)