» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

Not me but...
Studying for a future career at the Bar has led to a working knowledge not only of the major judgements which form the foundation of the law, but also of the (often hilarious) circumstances which led to the case coming to trial in the first place.

Sorry to be boring, but in order to understand the story, it has to be explained that consent is currently no defence to a charge of GBH. S&M enthusiasts can and have been successfully prosecuted for significant prison terms even where the "crime" has been paid for by the "victim" (or "gimp" for a more pc term).

I now turn you to the case of R v Aitken.

It was 1992, and four airmen were attending an RAF celebration party. Having consumed a "considerable quantity of alcohol", the four began playing practical jokes upon other passed out airmen. A particular favourite was to spray white spirit upon their comrade's flame retardent suits, and then set the sleeping man alight.

A few hours, and several more drinks later, airman "A" decides to retire for the night. Leaving the bar, he returns to his bunk, onto which he collapses and promptly falls asleep. The remaining airmen: B,C and D feel rather let down by A's early exit, and resolve to play a similar joke on him.

They creep into the dormitory, pour liberal quantities (the whole bottle in fact) of white spirit on his (NON flame-retardent) suit. Airman A has by this point regained a measure of consciousness and is ineffectualy attempting to escape.

The eye-witness accounts by B,C and D during their trial described A as "going up like a torch", and medical reports indicated he “suffered extremely severe burning, with 35 percent of his body sustaining superficial burns of a life-threatening nature”.

They all got let off. It was held on appeal that as the men were "indulging in rough and undisciplined play", that a "genuine belief" that A had consented (no matter how unreasonable) was sufficient for a full pardon.

Moral of the story? Legally: You can't agree to a fistfight, you can't hurt someone in a private sexual act, and you can't touch the sleeve of another persons coat without their permission.
But by God, you can set people alight for fun if you're in the army!
(Fri 24th Mar 2006, 0:28, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

Just to be the man who fell down at her door
I once walked 500 miles just to be the man who shagged her...

But she was unimpressed so I had to walk 500 more.

Bitch.
(Sun 15th Apr 2007, 16:25, More)

» My first love

Melissa...
Wasn't so much "love" as my first competition (aged 8) with another bloke to win her heart by buying her shedloads of choclates/crisps/lolipops etc

Made the mistake of telling the 'rents, and used to get teased about it royally. Until I gave up on it (broke) and was asked about it at crowded dinner party.

My response?

"Nah...I've decided I'll just rape her" (loudly)

Was forced to watch an "educational" (and mildly arousing, really) video to learn me the error of my young ways.
(Fri 21st Oct 2005, 13:02, More)

» My first experience of porn

More than I wanted to know...
Five and a half words burned themselves into my 11 year old consciousness one dark night over a decade ago. Five and a half words have haunted me, remembered every time I see an online pornsite. Five and a half words which are whispered to friends and colleagues after many, many drinks. Stop. Daddy. You're. Too. Big.

And no I didn't click on it.
(Sat 27th Jan 2007, 20:06, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Hermione Granger
I once ejected Emma Watson from the Theatre for not having a ticket, if that counts?
(Thu 25th May 2006, 15:12, More)