» On the stage

Cruel joke to play on an unsuspecting child
School production of Jack And The Beanstalk. I must have been about ten, so let's say 1988.

My part in this epic production? The Wizard. You know - the WIZARD! He's the fella who swaps a cow for some magic beans.

Wizards, as we all know, dress in pointy hats and dark blue "robes" with dodgy gold moons and stars stiched all over them. Wizards, as you may be also aware, tend to appear in clouds of smoke. Go along with this one. Our script-writer obviously did.

The time for my big scene arrives. Lights flash! Cymbals crash! Cue ten-year-old me leaping "magically" onto stage in a puff of smoke.

To be more precise: cue a young boy in a funny hat and a dress, jumping onto stage holding a large, cloud-shaped piece of grey cardboard, with the word "PUFF" emblazoned across it in huge, bright red, capital letters. A young boy whose entire (mercifully brief) appearance on stage was subtitled with one word, calling into question his burgeoning sexuality.

I don't think any of the so-called "grown-ups" in the audience could hear any of my lines over their collective guffawing. At the time, I just assumed our script was even more hilarious than it had been in rehearsal. Took me YEARS to get their "little joke". Bastards.

Sad thing is, I think I still have that puff of smoke in the back of the wardrobe somewhere...

*pop*
(Tue 6th Dec 2005, 16:33, More)