» Rubbish Towns

Possibly Edmonton
There was a pub called the Golden Fleece in the 80's where I overheard this conversation:
"Seen John lately?"
"He's down Wandsworth."
"Working?"
"Nah, Doing bird."
"How about Freddy?"
"Parkhuurst."
"Working?"
"Nah, doing bird."
A short silence.
"What about Harry?"
"Brixton."
"Doing bird?"
"Nah, he's got a job down there".
(Sun 1st Nov 2009, 19:59, More)

» I Quit!

And another thing...
Another job (I stopped counting at 30 jobs, and that was 20 years ago), was delivering [censored] for a company in [censored]. They treated the drivers like shit; expecting them to break Driver's Hours Regs every day. We were all told it was "Job and Finish", but were given so many drops that a 12 hour day was normal. With no overtime.
I once delivered a box of [censored] to a hospital at 07:00. Due to the workload and the fact that the stores bods didn't start until 08:00, I had to leave it on the doorstep without a signature. They denied recieving it and the cost was deducted from my meagre wages.

At the time, my sister was going out with a career criminal, burglary a speciality, and I may have mentioned that we collected lots of cash from customers. I may also have mentioned the exact location of the safe, and how it could be accessed.
But I was still convincingly surprised when I arrived back at the depot to find that they had been robbed during the night. The safe had been carried out by four people (I imagine) and opened in someone's backyard with a petrol-engined disk cutter (probably).
I hope that someone got a substantial bonus for their 'help' in the subsequent investigations into this dastardly crime.
(Thu 22nd May 2008, 21:26, More)

» My Biggest Disappointment

Constant Annual Disappointment
Along with about 2% of you, my birthday is very near christmas.

The 2%ers know what's coming next...
"Instead of two presents, we just got you one BIG present"

No, you didn't, you tight bastard. You just got one average present and conned me out of my rightful inheritance, or whatever.

If I'd been born in June, I'd have had at least 200 more presents than I have had.

To all potential parents: don't shag at easter, unless all your relatives are loaded. It will lead to a lifetime of disappointment and early-onset scepticism.

And all you "One BIG present" arseholes; go fuck yourself, you're not fooling anyone.
(Fri 27th Jun 2008, 22:42, More)

» I Quit!

That'll teach him.
Many years ago, I worked for a company delivering bales of hay by HGV. An average load was maybe 150 bales stacked upto 10ft high on a flatbed truck.
Obviously they needed securing, so we had rope, lots of rope, to tie the load down.
It was a lot of work for very little money, so after a couple of months I decided to jack it in.
I went to the owner (we called him 'Boss Hog'; an odious little fat man who plonked himself down in a big leather chair at the start of the day and stayed there until he went home).
I told him of my intention to leave and apologised, and he said "That's OK, I was going to sack you at the end of the month".

A month or so later, a friend bought his own truck to do general haulage and needed some rope.
"Don't worry", I told him, "I know where I can get some".
I sneaked into Boss Hog's yard late one night and took all the ropes from all six trucks, uproping any loaded trucks where necessary.
It took three trips to get it all back to my car.
My friend only needed 100ft of rope, but ended up with more than he ever dreamed of.
Unfortunately, I have no idea what chaos ensued at Boss Hog's Hay and Straw the next day, but I like to think it moved him from his chair, if only for a short while.

Length? Probably about a mile.
(Thu 22nd May 2008, 20:33, More)

» I Quit!

And then there was the time
I'd been working for a company for 7 years (a personal best)and they were bought out by a rival. I could see the way things were going: we'd spent £5 million on new equipment yet the company was sold for £8 million.
I had secured a position with another firm and had a month notice to serve, but there was lots of shit jobs that needed doing, so I pretended I'd broken my arm.
I told them I had a sick note, but as I was signed off for four weeks it would be better all round if I came in to work and just did light duties in the office rather that claim the full rate sick pay.
Cue lots of tea and sympathy from the office totty while I watched the new owners dismantle the company around us.
I spent most of the time on t'Internet searching for new jobs for my soon-to-be-redundant colleagues.
I missed out on the redundancy pay having handed my notice in two weeks before the official announcement, but was amply rewarded at my leaving do in ways I cannot mention here.
(Thu 22nd May 2008, 21:59, More)