» Best Graffiti Ever

simple but effective
on a timetable attached to a bus stop:
"LIES"

They had a point. I was there for about an hour until one bloody turned up.
(Tue 8th May 2007, 3:52, More)

» Family Holidays

My last family holiday
was to a small town in Rhodes, when I was 16. It wasn't so much a family holiday as a holiday with me and my Mum, since her and my Dad were on the verge of splitting up and didn't particularly want to spend a week in Greece together, and no other close family members could be arsed (my grandma probably would have, but she was dead).

Suffice to say it bored the shite out of me - at the age of 16 I had absolutely no appreciation for the various historical sites and crap museums we paid a visit to, and I couldn't even while away the time by getting pissed in one of the town's few bars, because I had no one to get pissed with.

The only thing that really sticks with me about that holiday is, because the hotel room was tiny and I was with my Mum pretty much at all times, it was the longest I'd been without a wank in three years.
(Fri 3rd Aug 2007, 1:10, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

probably more for my parents than me
3:30 on my first day of secondary school, I'm 11 years old, I've just finished for the day and am proceeding happily to the bus stop, just in time to see the bus home driving off. This was no more than two minutes after school finished, with a massive queue of kids still standing there - presumably someone had pissed the driver off in some way and he'd had enough, which would happen several more times in my days at that school.

But, no problem - there was another bus purportedly going to a location even closer to my house! Brilliant, no changing at the bus station, I thought, and got on. Only it wasn't going there, as another child on the bus helpfully informed me, before calling me a prick - the driver confirmed this, the reason being he "couldn't be arsed" to change the number and destination on the front. yeah, nice one. After that I joined the rest of the kids who had been left behind, now waiting at the bus stop down the road - 3:50 now, the timetable indicating a bus about every 15 minutes. I sort of needed to pee, but I could hang on till the bus station.

One hour later, I'm still waiting, and finally resort to taking a slash in the bushes behind the bus stop. It was another half hour before the bus turned up, and half an hour after that before I reached the bus station and could phone my mum (this was before every kid had a mobile phone, and there was no phonebox anywhere near the school).

to find out my mum, naturally shitting herself about her offspring's first day at "big school", had just rung the police.

for fuck's sake. thanks stagecoach!

edit: come to think of it, a similar thing happened on my first day at uni as well - obviously there was no police involvement that time, but i did miss dinner in the halls, and perhaps more importantly, the Simpsons
(Sat 31st May 2008, 17:35, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

hmm
for someone who uses public transport a lot (not having a car) i don't think i've had that many traumatic experiences, which i think makes me the luckiest cunt in the world. i mean there was the time i got stuck in sheffield for a while because someone hit a railway bridge..and the time when i was 9 that i had to wait on a train to cornwall for 2 hours (which was fine with me, i had my gameboy and they kept handing out free coke and crisps, it was my family who suffered because the lack of hot water = no tea/coffee) and the time i couldn't get a bus into manchester for half an hour because the one i was waiting for had set on fire further up the road.

and there have been nutters, sure... the man in his 60s who ranted to a 13-year-old me about the state of this nation's rail system, or the woman who told my dad he looked like a "white Craig David", but they were fairly inoffensive, and none of them smelt funny or tried to molest me; a few months back i was queuing for a national express coach with a man who smelt like he had shat himself, but he got on the other coach (to scunthorpe, i believe) so i was spared his unholy stench. the toilet blocked on the coach i actually boarded, but it was only a 3 hour journey punctuated by a 20 minute stop in leeds halfway through, so i could get by without using it (tried once, but the piss was almost lapping over the edge of the bowl, and i didn't want to be the one who caused it to flood down the rest of the coach)

so, only minor irritations really. i suppose i still have a lot of respect for the people who have to deal with the drunks, chavs, tramps and everyone else who stinks of piss in this world, and they still come out to drive the buses and guard the trains that even the most car-reliant of us need to get around every now and then.

i dunno, maybe i'm just a bit drunk, but i love public transport.
(Sat 31st May 2008, 19:56, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

On a desk
in a lecture theatre:
"Homophobia is Gay"
(Tue 8th May 2007, 3:33, More)