» Urban Legends

Gullible

I actually believed that the Oxford English Dictionary had removed the word 'gullible' from their lists.


I was young. And foolish.
(Thu 5th Jan 2006, 16:14, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

Scrabble
I don't know why, but I always feel the need to cheat on the wife when playing scrabble.

5+ years, and she still hasn't noticed my none-to-subtle tile-picking.


Maybe she doesn't want to know the truth. I'm crap at board games, and the marriage is a sham.


.
(Fri 18th Nov 2005, 9:55, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

Father In Law stories ?
My mother-in-law is nice as pie. Lovely lady and I won't have a word said against her.

My father-in-law is also v. nice. Mild-mannered accountant with thinning grey hair and thick glasses. He loves cricket, and loves lecturing me on pensions. Marvellous and very boring.

But don't get him angry: you wouldn't like it when he's angry.

Exhibit A:
He started a fight at my wedding. for no reason. With one of his son's friends.

Exhibit B:
We were staying in a nice hotel. He was asked politely to move the car. When they said they couldn't do it for him as they weren't insured on his car, he responded by flying into rage and tearing up pieces of paper on the lobby desk.

Exhibit C:
When Mrs Pappers was dumped by an earlier ex-b/f the F-i-l responded by having a quiet word with her brother and offering him money & alibi to get his friends to 'have a chat' with the ex-b/f to ensure he learns his lesson.


It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for.



.
(Fri 9th Sep 2005, 17:26, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Radiohead

My missus met Radiohead whilst they were touring Europe in 1996 after Pablo Honey was released. Their eyes met across a crowded laundrette in Montpellier.




They were washing their yellowing smalls.


Thom Yorke - Hero no more.
(Fri 26th May 2006, 10:00, More)

» The Police

New York Cops
A friend of mine (IT consultant for a german bank) was with his girlfriend and they took the subway. Being a gentleman, when she forgot her pass he lent her his, and skipped the barrier. In front of two doughnut munching cops. Who bust him.

They asked him for ID and being British, only has his passport. Which is in his hotel room.

They give the girlfriend 20 minutes to get the passport, saying that otherwise they will book him and take him down the station.

22 minutes later, a very puffed out girlfriend arrives with passport to find them writing the ticket, and leading him away. They put him in the 'pen' at the local cop shop with all the other scum of New York.

Whilst he got a lot of stares, the other 22 occupants were actually not too bad - being gang members, theives, robbers, junkies, alcoholics, and the rest of the dregs of society. But they had a single toilet to share in the middle of the pen and it was not fun. Especially when they put a psycho in with the bunch, who then went wild - think Begbie on coke - lashing out at anyone and everyone, until the cops put the nutter in solitary.

Thing is, he was arrested on Friday p.m. before a Bank Holiday. 72 hours later on the Tuesday, he was finally dragged before the judge who to his credit apologised for the ordeal before ordering his immediate release.


72+ hours in a holding pen in New York for not having a subway ticket. I think British coppers are just fine in comparison.


Apologies for length. (add joke as required)
(Tue 27th Sep 2005, 12:52, More)