» In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces

On Exercise
In the army cadets at grammar school we used to go on exercises at Catterick. The marshall would come round during the exercise on his motorbike and declare some of you dead by chalking a big X on your battledress sleeve.
My mate Alan - who was a bit of a big moody bastard (he later joined the paras) took exception to having an X chalked on his sleeve and rubbed it straight off. Marshall chalks back on, Alan rubs it off.
This goes on for about 5 minutes Alan getting more and more moody looking and marshall turning purple with rage.
Marshall finally storms off, jumps on his motorbike, kicks it over really hard and the bike misfires and throws him in the air and he falls on the ground screaming and clutching a broken ankle.
Alan walks over, picks up the chalk and puts a big X on the marshalls sleeve.
Not a word said during the whole exchange, rest of the squad wetting ourselves laughing, it was worth cleaning the billet out for the rest of the week.
(Thu 23rd Mar 2006, 23:02, More)

» Childhood Ambitions

My daughter...
told the careers adviser that she wants to be an International Assassin as it is well paid, you get to travel all over the world and you don't have to work very often.
Rather than encourage her and offer advice on how she could progress into her chosen career, which is what the careers adviser is supposed to be there for, he reported her to the police as a potential terrorist threat.
The (rather senior) police officer who was, much to his amusement, sent to interview her advised the careers adviser that perhaps he was in the wrong job.
(Fri 30th Mar 2007, 8:46, More)

» Urban Legends

Bomber in the lake
A couple of years ago me and a couple of other local scuba divers were asked by a local historical aviation group to survey a lake for them.
Local legend had it that in the 2nd World War a Hudson bomber had crashed in the deepest part of the lake which was said to be about 30 metres.We all turned up one Sunday morning complete with ropes, big torches, marker bouys and full dive kit (dry suits, twin cylinders etc.)
As we walked into the lake the water quickly came up to chest height - and stayed there. After about an hour and a half of splashing round all over the lake the deepest bit we found was just over 2 metres.
(Wed 11th Jan 2006, 13:39, More)

» Useless advice

Never Volunteer
My Dad (ex RAF)always drummed into me 'never volunteer for anything' - fast forward 10 years to my first job for government in London, new boss comes in and asks for volunteer for a 'special project' I kept my hand down and my mate Eddie puts his up. Eddie spends the next 2 years doing research project on the Great Barrier Reef, meets lovely girl,etc. etc. Now runs his own dive school, big house on the beach, 2 boats, own plane, drives an Aston Martin.
Thanks for the advice Dad
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 23:45, More)

» Common

Big Screen
Pubs with those white banners out the front advertising 'Big Screen Sports', 'Live Sky Sports' and variations.
They might as well put 'This place is full of slopey-headed, shiny track suited, loud mouthed, sweary, tattooed, pissy lager drinking dole scum.'
Be a big banner though.
(Fri 17th Oct 2008, 10:32, More)