b3ta.com user Barbara, they're stealing our towels!
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Anyone seen my towels?

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» Cheating cheaty cheats

Cub Scouts
Several moons ago, I was the "Sixer" for the Greens in my local Cub Scout group. For those who don't know, this means I was a senior, responsible member of the troop (the Bear to the younger cubs if you like.) During the annual "Balsa Build" competition (contestants are given six pieces of Balsa wood and told to make something. The best creations win a packet of sweets for their creators), I declined to enter, thinking it would be far easier to simply steal a packet of sweets from the leader's car. Of course, being the Green's Sixer, I assumed I would get away with this and that no one would "grass me up", due to the respect I commanded amongst the other boys. Unfotunately for me, me brother turned me in. This resulted in a hasty flight from the scout hut. Upon returning home, I ran straight upstairs to the bog where I locked myself and proceeded to be "busy". Little did I know, the Leader had pursuided me home and demanded to speak with me, no doubt to give me a good grilling and to possibly remove my Sixer badge.

I stayed in that toilet for two hours. My attempt to cheat the system had ended in that toilet, with my trousers around my ankles.
(Thu 17th Nov 2005, 19:03, More)

» My first love

Ten at a time
When i was five, i had ten girlfriends. Trouble was, they all had ten boyfriends. Our primary school became very inbred.
(Thu 20th Oct 2005, 18:07, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

Smithers
My last geography teacher, Mr Smythe (I use the term teacher loosely. He was more a plaything for us.) Anyway, being 5ft 4" and very sweaty, he was obviously a soft target for a class of heartless young hoons such as ourselves. Highlights include: the turban incident; the time we bought him deoderant for his birthday and, when he would not accept it, promptly sprayed the whole can over him; the 6ft 3" anarchist Blair, picking him up and running out of the room with him, announcing he would save poor smithers from the Tsunami diagram he had drawn on the board; and, finally, the time HE smacked a cricket ball out of the nets right onto the head of the lankiest, most unpopular boy in the school, who cried for a good hour afterwards.

Needless to say, he "resigned" last year. Looking back on him, whilst I do feel a huge amount of guilt, he did provide a very convenient outlet for the more creative in our class. Less weird, more entertaining.
(Sat 12th Nov 2005, 19:29, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

Pretentious bollocks
My friend Benedict (A.K.A David, San Miguel... err no, no, no Stella.)
(Mon 3rd Oct 2005, 20:18, More)