» Shame

Faecal Graffiti
WARNING: This is pretty foul.

Whilst studying at Brighton Uni I found myself in the 'Market Diner', a 24 filth hole of a cafe with a staff consisting of 15 year old proto rapists and greasy-haired old hags. It was about 4.00am, I was very drunk.

I had been there many times before and been a lot drunker, but something was different this time.

After finishing my egg and sausage sandwich, I made my excuses to my friends and staggered to the toilets. After a good long drunken piss, something caught my eye; the toilet brush.

In my drunken haze I thought it might be a laugh to check if there was any poo on the end. There was. My actions from this point on are worthy of both revulsion and worship in equal measure; both the greatest and the most terrible thing I have ever done at the same time.

I took the soiled brush and wrote on the tiled wall in foot high letters, as carefully as I could: CLEAN ME

Whenever I look back on this incident, I always try to imagine the expression on the member of staffs face who went in there on a routine toilet roll check and found my dirty, stinking protest.

Can something be both unimaginably foul and breathtakingly beautiful at the same time? I like to think it can...
(Thu 24th Nov 2005, 22:57, More)

» I'm your biggest Fan

Right, I'll tell you an anecdote.
In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station.

It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair. It was the 70s; Buckaroo!

I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves; it was the height of his Blue Peter career.

He said, "You jammy bastard" and quick as a flash, I replied, "Don't be blue, Peter!" Needless to say, I had the last laugh.

Now fuck off!
(Wed 22nd Apr 2009, 10:17, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

What type of file
Makes a hole this big, ' . ' into a hole this big, ' O ' ?


A Paedo-file...
(Wed 7th Dec 2005, 0:00, More)