Profile for UTB:
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- a member for 10 years, 10 months and 11 days
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- has posted 8 stories and 2 replies on question of the week
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» Funerals II
My grandad
Was a member of the magic circle, a certified magician. He tended to do more children's parties than anything Blane-like, and was well-loved and respected for it.
He died a couple of years of ago, and my brother picked me up on the way to his cremation down in Brighton. It was pretty much the first funeral we'd been to and the atmosphere in the car was (as expected) quiet and sombre....
...right up until my brother enquired "Do you think they'll saw him in half first?"
At which point we had to pull over on the hard shoulder as we were laughing so hard we'd have probably caused an accident had we continued.
My Grandad would have laughed too.
(Fri 12th Apr 2013, 14:39, More)
My grandad
Was a member of the magic circle, a certified magician. He tended to do more children's parties than anything Blane-like, and was well-loved and respected for it.
He died a couple of years of ago, and my brother picked me up on the way to his cremation down in Brighton. It was pretty much the first funeral we'd been to and the atmosphere in the car was (as expected) quiet and sombre....
...right up until my brother enquired "Do you think they'll saw him in half first?"
At which point we had to pull over on the hard shoulder as we were laughing so hard we'd have probably caused an accident had we continued.
My Grandad would have laughed too.
(Fri 12th Apr 2013, 14:39, More)
» Shit Stories
when i was a kid
my parents took me and my brother to a holiday camp. within minutes of arriving, my brother had laid a log so large that poor Armitage couldnt shift it.
Poor old mumsy had to slice it Ainsley style.
(Wed 5th May 2004, 22:39, More)
when i was a kid
my parents took me and my brother to a holiday camp. within minutes of arriving, my brother had laid a log so large that poor Armitage couldnt shift it.
Poor old mumsy had to slice it Ainsley style.
(Wed 5th May 2004, 22:39, More)
» Family Holidays
I remember going to a caravan park for a "holiday" with my family.
My brother, king of the poos, decided it would be a good idea to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool as soon as we arrived.
Unfortunately for my mum, my brother had dropped a log so big that the small caravan bowl couldn't flush it away, so Mother had to go in there with a knife and chop the bugger up into smaller pieces.
My brother was later taught how to chop them off into smaller pieces.
(Fri 3rd Aug 2007, 16:28, More)
I remember going to a caravan park for a "holiday" with my family.
My brother, king of the poos, decided it would be a good idea to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool as soon as we arrived.
Unfortunately for my mum, my brother had dropped a log so big that the small caravan bowl couldn't flush it away, so Mother had to go in there with a knife and chop the bugger up into smaller pieces.
My brother was later taught how to chop them off into smaller pieces.
(Fri 3rd Aug 2007, 16:28, More)
» Premonitions
On
My first trip to Liverpool, a friend and I went to Bugged Out! and had a jolly good time.
However, after a while inside attempting to chew my eyebrows off, I had a weird feeling that something was wrong.
First i thought I was coming up again, but it was only when we exited the club that my weird feeling turned out to be a sign: Our mates car had been broken into.
The bastards had stolen our clothes, our coats, tickets to a Glaswegian club that we were visiting the following night (which had sold out) and worst of all, a large bag of party prescriptions.
Wasnt all bad. For the first 6 hours we thought it was hilarious.
"Haha you havent got any clothes"
"ahaha neither have you"
It was a very depressing comedown that morning.
(Sat 20th Nov 2004, 11:33, More)
On
My first trip to Liverpool, a friend and I went to Bugged Out! and had a jolly good time.
However, after a while inside attempting to chew my eyebrows off, I had a weird feeling that something was wrong.
First i thought I was coming up again, but it was only when we exited the club that my weird feeling turned out to be a sign: Our mates car had been broken into.
The bastards had stolen our clothes, our coats, tickets to a Glaswegian club that we were visiting the following night (which had sold out) and worst of all, a large bag of party prescriptions.
Wasnt all bad. For the first 6 hours we thought it was hilarious.
"Haha you havent got any clothes"
"ahaha neither have you"
It was a very depressing comedown that morning.
(Sat 20th Nov 2004, 11:33, More)
» Old People Talk Bollocks
My
mum is a swimming instructor, and has just started a course in sign language so she can teach deaf children. I asked her how she would get the deaf kids' attention while they're in the pool, to which my nan helpfully answered "well she'll just clap her hands, wont she..."
gawd bless 'er
(Thu 11th Mar 2004, 17:03, More)
My
mum is a swimming instructor, and has just started a course in sign language so she can teach deaf children. I asked her how she would get the deaf kids' attention while they're in the pool, to which my nan helpfully answered "well she'll just clap her hands, wont she..."
gawd bless 'er
(Thu 11th Mar 2004, 17:03, More)