» School Trips

Geology Trips
At our school, our AS/A Level Geology teacher's trips are absolutely legendary. Bearded, grey and balding, he looks like a mad hatter, has a fondness for real ale and a keen interest in introducing his students to said ale.

Trip 1. Cornwall, weekend in December 2005. Incidents include rock-paper-scissors between his friend and one of my classmates, as to who would drive the minibus back to the hostel after Green got too drunk to drive straight.
- Breaking into the hostel when we first got there because no-one was around.
- Taking said minibus down a road marked 'unsuitable for vehicles' at 10pm in quest for local pub, ending up trying to take the automatic poor thing around a 1 in 3 inclined hairpin bend, complete with cliff drop around the outside (front left wheel 3foot off the ground, whole class standing on the edges to weight it down, two hysterical girls in the front seat etc etc. bloody hilarious, basically).
- Also, vouching to the local pub's landlady that we were all over 18 (cloass of 16 and 17 year olds) so we could all get served.
- He also backed the bus into a fence, took us to at least 3 places for fieldwork then decided it wasn't worth going there, knocked the corner off someone's house with the bus and got caught up in an arguement with the owner, etc etc.

Trip 2. Isle of Mull, Scotland, early April 2006. Incidents include:
- Insisting driving the bus down a path marked 'footpath only', making the other driver refuse to drive down it and subsequently one bus taking two buses worth of students down said path.
- Trekking two miles downhill and along a rocky beach to look at some pebbles, before trekking all the way back again. In the pouring rain.
- Rigging someone's mp3 player to the minibus sound system and raving away in the back of the bus.
- Clogging up the hostel's entire drainage system after attempting to clean up a rather drunken flour fight.
- Attempting to flour Green's mate whilst he was asleep.

Trip 3. Northern Spain, end of October 2006.
- Blagging our way into a bar and being presented with a 3-litre tube of beer with a tap on the bottom. Not complaining!
- Three classmates getting picked up by a spanish guy in a Beamer and offered cocaine and spanish prostitutes, before getting dumped unceremoniously when the guy discovered they had no money.
- One guy getting absolutely smashed, almost jumping off a bridge, not remembering anything after two shots of absinthe (that followed seven of tequila) and losing his eyebrows (I believe the video is still on YouTube - search STRS and it's called something along the lines of 'Sam Moore loses eyebrows'), subsequently spending most of the night leaning over the bog.


Can't think of any more right now, but Green is an absolute legend. As long as the bus ends up clean by the time we go home, and as long as we don't throw up while we're out and about, he doesn't actually care what we do. Will even join in!

*insert length/girth joke here*
(Tue 12th Dec 2006, 22:53, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

A number of occaisions...
1. Guide Camp meeting. Bored young leaders throw a BBQ for the little sprogs. Fine. Dispoable BBQs. Plastic tables. Not so good. Holes melted through the tables quite spectacularly. As in, we only reallised once the table section was sagging and the BBQs had almost fallen through. Woops...

2. Toaster. 'Do not leave unattended'. So I go to the loo. When I come back, the kitchen is filled with black smoke, and my mum is watching said toaster merrily burning away in nice orange flames, where she's thrown it outside onto the lawn. Woops...

3. Never put cold water in a hot glass. Not clever. Shattered my dad's favourite pint glass quite spectacularly. And ruined a pint of cold cider while I was at it. He wasn't pleased.

4. Batteries. Fire. From where I was standing, it was quite a spectacular show. From my brother's piont of view, it was a trip to hospital from flying shrapnel.

I have others, but this is already too long, so I'll spare the anguish.
(Sun 7th May 2006, 20:49, More)

» Fancy Dress

Elves...
Ok, so the final Lord of the Rings film comes out. Me and my friend are both in the middle of a Lotr phase. So we decide to go dressed as elves. Green dressing gown, black trousers, even cardboard armguards.

And plastic bows and arrows.

Cue a big plastic arrow fight in the cinema, before we get into the screen. We managed to hit one of the attendant as well, who told us off and sent us, disgraced, into the screen on the condition that we behaved.

We got the funniest looks ever, the woman sat next to us must have thought we were mad.

And when we went back to school, we found that a girl from my class had been stood in the ticket queue, and had photos of us two mad girls running around firing arrows at each other.

Oops...
(Mon 16th Jan 2006, 10:15, More)

» Awesome Sickies

Well
I pulled a sickie because the bastards didn't let me take a weekend off on holiday for a Geology trip. Something about too busy to lose me. Well, when I rang up with food poisoning they didn't have much choice, did they?
(Sun 11th Jun 2006, 21:06, More)

» Pet Stories

Pets
My mate had a rabbit that didn't last long - it commited suicide within a day or so by failing to properly execute a backflip and landing on his spine. Woops. He also had a couple mice that weren't actually both boys - they then split the litter so they thought they were with mum - the dad ate the kids shortly afterwards as mum watched from the other cage.

As for my pets, I currently have two cats and three dogs. The two cats live upstairs, entering and exiting the house by means of a wooden ramp my dad built, leading from the landing window to the garage roof below. They are, I swear, the laziest cats I have ever known.

As for the dogs, two scottish terriers and a crossbreed thing make for interesting viewing. Bruce, the male of the scottish terriers, has a habit of collecting underwear. We have no idea how he keeps finding all these socks, but he'll wander around the living room whining with said offending item in his mouth. My mum had to chase him around the garden once, as he went off with one of her bras.

Inka is the other scotty, slightly older but a rescue breeding bitch. She's nervous as anything but wags her tail manically at everything and sleeps on her back with all four paws resolutely in the air.

Hubba is the crossbreed, another rescue dog. Has a habit of trying to bite the stream of water from a hosepipe. Doesn't really work.

And an honourable mention to the deceased Sparkle, the small cat who decided a full grown pigeon was fair game, almost as big as he was. Fair play to the thing. Got run over a little while later :(
(Wed 13th Jun 2007, 21:05, More)