» Heckles

Heckles
My first experience with real live Englishmen. I have, of course (as a Canadian), always looked up to you guys, and this sort of raised you up a couple notches.

It is a dark and stormy night. I am eight, perhaps nine. We are on a hovercraft, going from Oostende, Holland to Dover, England (I think). And in the front seats, a remarkable and beautiful thing is taking place in front of my pre-pubescent admiring eyes.

The craft (cushion of air my ass) has been rocking throughout the entirety of the trip, and two sloshed Angles are taking it upon themselves to heckle the captain. At first, they meandered along the usual lines of bloody boat, damn we're rolling like a, a roll, haha, bloody stupid Dutchmen, ha ha. And then about halfway through, they unify in a chant that continues the rest of the journey, and which has stayed with me forever. As follows:

You're not very GOOD! You're not very GOOD! You're not very, you're not very, you're not very GOOD!

Don't know if it's a traditional English hovercraft shanty or what, but it seemed to be a rally for them. And the way they sang it was quite strange.

Every so often, the captain would descend from the cockpit, stalk from one side of the craft to the other, looking put-upon and stoic, and as he neared the Englishmen, he would glare at them, and a beautiful Doppler effect would take place as they became aware he was somewhat pissed-off, and would quiet down, you're not very good.. you're not very good..

and as he walked off to climb back up to steer, or whatever, they would pick up momentum and by the time he came back around to glare, they would be chanting uproariously away, waving pudgy arms in the air and revelling in their power, and the whole thing started again. Never forget it.

Edit: Ahem.. *pop*
(Fri 7th Apr 2006, 7:05, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

other people's teacups
they're just not my cup of tea.
(Sun 18th Oct 2009, 22:00, More)

» Things we do to fit in

I'm from Canada
So all this back-and-forth about accents is mystifying me.

Listen.

You all have accents.

I quote the brilliant duo Lonely Island when I say
"Last week, I saw a film/as I recall it was a horror film".

If that those lines rhyme for you, something is up.

I love accents, and I think that trying to decipher thickly accented English is actually really fun, and I definitely am not saying that I pronounce everything phonetically, but seriously? Norfolk? Suffolk? Midfolk? I'm sorry but to me, it is like a nation of people with blue moustaches arguing about whether their moustache is azure or indigo.

You all have blue moustaches!


Ahem. Sorry, yeah, had to say that. Stuff that I did to fit in.. let'se see, smoked a tampon once.

Actually, hold on, twice.
(Mon 19th Jan 2009, 22:45, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Nicks..
There's this chap everybody calls "chthonic", we all feel a bit sorry for him but I think he thinks it's cool. Oh well.
(Thu 18th May 2006, 18:53, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

Messing With The Dark Side, eh?
We put on the album and played Wizard Of Oz next to it, like it says.. un-canny.

I do recall a bunch of my loony friends telling me that they tried a Ouija board once, and ended up contacting Elvis. This wasn't as monumental as you might expect, because apparently he ended up just telling them to fuck off and leave him in peace. Fair enough.
(Fri 21st Apr 2006, 2:53, More)