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Clicky here for to see everything I've done - Actually don't, it's broke and I haven't done enough new stuff to replace it yet.
Clicky here for to see the ol' DeviantArt thingy

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» Best Graffiti Ever

I wish i'd seen this...
Borrowed from New Scientist...

"Comments finger-written on dirty vehicles tend to stick to often-repeated phrases such as "Clean Me", "Also available in white" and "I wish my girlfriend was this dirty". Cycling around Cambridge recently, Michael Francis saw one that broke new grounds. On the side of a particularly filthy lorry parked near Jesus College was escribed the following phrase "Couldn't afford the TiO2".

Titanium Dioxide (TiO2), for those who are not industrial chemists, is a hydrophobic substance used to coat surfaces to make them resist both water and dirt, so they are "self-cleaning". Francis says he is pleased to see the expensive investment in someone's scientific education being put to good use."
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 22:26, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

Arrogant little fucktard....
When I was a wee goffik I recieved the usual grief that a black clad make up wearing bloke gets but there was one kid who thought he was the shit. He always had some inane comment or childish insult to throw, and he'd always run screaming like a pussy when ever you got near enough to beat the snot out of him.

One day, as I am wandering to the shop to buy more smokes I see him and his driving up the road towards me. On cue the car pulls over and this scrote winds down his window and starts his abuse.

I don't look at him, refuse to register his existance, what I do however is take one last drag on my cigarette and casually flick it away... through his open window, into his tracksuit clad crotch. I've never seen anyone get out of a car so fast clutching their lovespuds to stop their cheap tracksuit smoldering away.

Laughed? So hard my eyeliner ran.
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 0:56, More)

» Rubbish Towns

Brum...
I once got mugged (sort of) in Birmingham when I was but a SubCulture Hero In Training (henceforth abbreviated to SHiT). I was bumbling around the city centre looking for a handy pizza hut from which to obtain an affordable alternative to the overpriced, under-edible hotel food for me and my mate.

While I was trolling around looking for it and having a quiet smoke I was approached by what was possibly a retarded monkey in a tracksuit demanding the loan of a smoke. Being a kind soul I obliged the miscreant, and obliged him again when he insisted I gave him another. When he requested, somewhat gruffly and after parting me from my precious tobacco products, that I then hand over my even more precious beer money I refused, naturally. It was at this juncture he demonstrated he had a knife and that my refusal had not stood me in good stead.

Being a shrewd, but cowardly SHiT I decided my only option was to negotiate with my assailant, promising him that if he led me to the nearest Pizza Hut I'd happily pay him for his time. He agreed and off we went. Luckily, his chosen route took us right past the hotel in which I was staying and so I feigned momentary memory loss, claiming that in all the excitement I'd forgotten what I was supposed to be ordering for my friend and, if he'd just wait outside for a couple of minutes I'd nip in, find my friend and be reminded what I was getting for him. My helpful miscreant agreed and sat on a bollard waiting for me.

I spent a good twenty minutes watching him from the 10th floor bar, munching on my overpriced prawn baguette and sucking on a Bacardi Breezer.

Birmingham - So rubbish even the muggers can't get it right.



I'm going to sCUNThorpe next week... wish me luck.
(Fri 30th Oct 2009, 15:01, More)

» Hotel Splendido

Armitage Shanks? More like fucking Tupperware!
London, 2006, Duke of Edinburgh Award 50th Anniversary.

I'm there looking after a disabled guy, we check him into his hotel room. The reviews of this hotel were less than shining but we'd been sorted out, and the DoE folks were paying.

His room was niiiiiiice. Huge, Tv, safe, ensuite, double bed, air conditioning, ceiling fan, wardobe etc.

Mine on the other hand was terrible. It was about the size of a matchbox and contained not one, but two single beds. The air con was actually a window that opened about half an inch so it was hotter than hell. The bathroom was like nothing I'd seen in my life... or imagined in my darkest of nightmares.

It was made entirely of plastic in what could only be called 'yeast grey'. It was kinda built into the room like it was put in as an afterthought. Maybe 2.5m long by 1 deep. It had all the usual bathroom things in it though. Toilet in yeast grey plastic, sink in yeast grey plastic, 'shower' in yeast grey plastic. The only thing that wasn't grey was the mirror.

It was the first time I've ever been able to sit on the bog, have a shower and brush my teeth all at the same time. Everything got soaked when the shower was on because the water was coming out at a pressure that Karcher would be proud of. It was like being pissed on by the Devil.

Finally, closing the door was pretty much like sealing yourself into a Tupperware box.
(Thu 17th Jan 2008, 19:57, More)

» Mugged

birmingham muggers are rubbish...
Way back when i was in staying in birmingham with a friend and decided what we really wanted to eat was pizza so off toddle i to find a pizza hut.

My pleasant excursion round the centre of brum was cut short by some dirty scally insisting I give him a smoke. Being the youngster i was i handed one over... and the other he demanded. When he started asking for my wallet I'd had enough and told him to fuck off at which point he revealed a knife and insisted some more. Well, i wasn't gonna hand over my cash and i didn't really want sticking so i negotiated...

"Lead me to pizza hut and leave me in peace with my dinner and he could have whatever was left in my wallet." And he agreed.

As he led me to pizza hut we went past my hotel again and i suddenly 'forgot what what pizza I was supposed to get' and told him I'd 'be right back, just wait there'. So he did. I went up to the bar, ordered a sandwich and a drink and watched him standing there from the landing window... for 20 minutes. After that I got bored and went to bed.
(Sat 17th Jun 2006, 0:11, More)
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