» Mistaken Identity

DAD!
I can't walk past a cider-sodden tramp without shouting "DAD! Dad! It's me...don't you recognise me Dad?". Always guaranteed a response. Nine times out of ten I'm greeted with incomprehensible abuse, but it's that almost tear jerking one-in-ten "S...S...Son?" that makes it all worthwhile.

Click if this makes me a bad person.
(Sat 2nd Jun 2007, 1:17, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Peter Beardsley
My friend spotted the taxi driver with the "Mr Beardsley" sign at King's Cross. Despite being unfathomably drunk, I managed to prop myself against said taxi driver until Beardsley arrived. The crooked-faced chimp-genius had his family in tow, all of whom I kissed. I managed to persuade him to sign the match programme "If I was a gayer, you're first in the queue, love Peter Beardsley". Unforgetable. If anyone cares that much, I'll scan and post the programme...
(Thu 25th May 2006, 18:16, More)

» Work Experience

Rave On Rob...
Was sent to Dillon's bookshop as a fresh faced 15 year old in the summer of 1989...and immediately packed off to the stock room upstairs to put 30% off stickers on a room full of books. A couple of dreary hours passed, wondering if I'd be condemned to 2 weeks of this turgid existence. About midday, the door opens and in saunters Rob. Most large stores have backroom staff...they're usually lacking in the hygiene/interpersonal relationship/any fucking clue whatsoever departments. Rob was a bit different, though.
We spent the next two weeks in a ganja fuelled haze, occasionally pausing from our stoned reveries to stick some more Stone Roses/Happy Mondays/A Guy Called Gerald on the tape player and hang out of the window with another spliff. Lunchtimes were spent in a shady boozer getting merry on cider with Rob's crew of borderline psychotic pillheads.
On my last day, the store manager gave me a proof copy of the latest Laurie Lee. Rob gave me an E, a sixteenth of squidgy black and a tape of what he described as "fucking on one tracks, kidda".
It was truly a worthwhile insight into the world of waged employment.
(Thu 10th May 2007, 11:30, More)

» Oldies vs Computers

My Mum
has been using computers for over 20 years...from Digital Darkroom to Creative Suite 2...and she's never once made a picture of a magenta cock spunking on Rolf Harris.
(Fri 22nd Sep 2006, 20:25, More)

» Not Losing Your Virginity

I Saw Jonathan King In HMV
When I was 12. I'll never really know how close it was.
(Sun 29th Oct 2006, 17:20, More)