» Best Graffiti Ever

In an underground carpark...
I once noticed that someone had scrawled "Satin Rules!" on the wall.

Either a dyslexic satanist or an enthusiastic tailor. One or the other.
(Fri 4th May 2007, 1:09, More)

» Picky Eaters

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Among many other unattractive character traits, my ex-girlfriend had quite a few hang-ups about food.

For one, she was very thin, which led a lot of people to speculate as to whether she had an eating disorder. She didn't and, in fact, would complain that she would gorge herself on junk-food and put on no weight. The fact that I am a man of rather stocky build meant not only did this kind of self-pity fall on deaf ears but also that people would comment on my similarity to King Kong carrying away Fay Wray.

Secondly, she held herself out as a devout veggie but didn't see wearing leather boots or, recently, buying a big mink coat as morally exclusive to this ideal. She now lives in that coat seemingly oblivious of the fact that she is sheltering in hollowed out animal.

However, most interestingly she had what she initially described as an 'allergy' to tomatoes. Of course, this is a common lie among fussy eaters who just don't want to be found out and, oddly enough, one day she managed to eat a veggie burger with tommy sauce without breaking out in hives, choking or blowing up like a bouncy balloon (which might have been an improvement upon her very slight physique).

It turns out that what was first described as an 'allergy' of tomatoes turned out to be a PHOBIA of tomatoes. The IDEA of tomatoes actually SCARED her. From that moment on my friends and I, being the sensitive souls we are, would have literally minutes of fun chasing her screaming round a room with slices of pizza, bottles of heinz and other foodstuffs that have had the slightest acquaintence with the fruit of fear, before she'd go off to a corner and sulk.

Apologies for length, she left me soon after because of a similar complaint.
(Wed 7th Mar 2007, 14:36, More)