» Crazy Relatives

Nazi...
The day after my 18th birthday my Nan phoned me up to say -

'Now you're 18 you can vote...BUT DON'T VOTE FOR THE NAZIS!!!' As if I was planning to...:S

Also when taking an old boyfriend to meet my grandparents, my mum had brought my Nan some granny knickers as a present - to which she replied - 'BUT I DON'T WEAR ANY KNICKERS!!' rather loudly...not a pleasant thought...
(Thu 5th Jul 2007, 22:22, More)

» Work Experience

The Morgue...
I spent my year 12 work experience at a local morgue (to prepare myself for what I might have to see as a future CSI *fingers crossed*).

Once you got over the smell it really wasn't so bad - though saw a few things it will take me a long time to forget. I was assisting the embalmer, so it was just rotting old people. Had Mr Blue - wasn't found for a couple of months after dead and turned a lovely navy colour, mmmmmmm.


Also got the wonderful chance to hold back the skin of someones face, once it had been peeled back so that the guy could get some kinda of artery in the face (don't ask me what it was, I was trying to pretend the thick cold sheet in my hand wasn't someones face). Found out a week later that very person was one of my friends Grandma's.....oh the memories.

Managed to make my usual array of mistakes, even with the deceased. While blow drying the makeup on some guys face, I turned the hair dryer up too high and managed to blow off a large thin fragment of skin...nice. We just kinda stuck it back on and hoped no one would notice.

Got to hold a human brain, break the rigor-mortis of the eye lids with a hook, wash and dress corpses (ALONE when everyone had to go to a funeral...I'm sure I saw one wink at me..) so overall and enthralling and educational experience. :D
(Fri 11th May 2007, 22:21, More)

» Rubbish Towns

Middlesbrough
...there really is nothing more to be said.

Am currently in the 3rd year at the Uni there, so unfortunatly not in student accomodation anymore - and living in probably the worst street in the town. Its the kind of street where no one owns clothes other than pyjamas and all the kids are on crack.
At least once a week a police van turns up in our road and takes someone away, breaks up a fight or raids a brothel. I wish I was joking.

Some memorable occurances -

- Watching a wedding party seperated and taken away in police vans outside a KFC, the bride screaming blind drunk, with blood all over her dress.

- A man piss up the side of a house, before taking out his keys and going inside

- A man walking his very small child to school at 8.30 in the morning drinking a can of guiness

Everyone here is utter scum. Never come to this God-awful place.

And also is home to the PARMO, the worst food ever invented. They practically bottle feed that shit to their kids.
(Thu 29th Oct 2009, 17:54, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Who's got the Horn?!
On Thursday me and a friend were in a Beefeater, ordering dessert, when we noticed on the menu a lovely looking fruit pudding called 'THE HORN OF PLENTY'. This led to about 10 minuites of screaming and crying with laughter, cue table next to us complaining and moving to the other side of the room to finish their meal.
Naturally I had to order it - I managed to get as far as 'I'll have the horn...' before erupting in uncontrollable lolz. She didn't get it....just stared at me blankly. Misrable cow.
(Sat 14th Jun 2008, 13:33, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

Aliens...
We have this Autistic guy in our class - he's nice, but totally lost the plot. Back in year 11 he spent the whole year constucting the most detailed drawing I'd ever seen, of his 'mother ship', yes, thats MOTHER SHIP, which stretched over 13 A3 sheets of paper, all taped together. He'd drawn all the ships hulls, storage rooms, in a cross section, with it all labled and measurements put in. He said it was comming to take him home...still hasn't come yet.

He would also claim popular people hated him because they were from his rival planet, and knew he was soon to return to his. Apart from that, he was an ok guy!
(Fri 19th Jan 2007, 16:38, More)