» Teenage Parties

Sprung by the olds
Back when I was at university I heard a host of Bazza stories. Bazza was a bit of a legend in his time, and in this particular social group - which happened to be a university choir group.

My favorite Bazza story tells about a particular post-concert party which was being held at the home of one of the seemingly young, innocent first year girls. Late in the evening, people have had a few drinks and Bazza finds himself having it off with the nubile, young hostess - under the kitchen table. In walk her parents who have been out for the evening and are extremely shocked to see their daughter, pants around the ankles, mid-shag on the kitchen floor. Rather than recoil in horror and make a mad dash, Bazza simply turns his head, looks up at the parents and says "Don;t mind me, I'll be done in a minute." and returns to the task at hand.. Yay Bazza.

Apologies for the crap retelling of a great story.
(Tue 18th Apr 2006, 22:33, More)

» Cringe!

Fist
I was house-sharing with a couple of mates back when I was at uni. We were robbed while Winston (one of us) was overseas on holidays.

The thieves made quite a mess of things (stole 150 of my CDs - bastards - I now feel no remorse at all the music I've downloaded to make up for it - hee hee)..

Anyway, as the house belonged to Winston's mum I thought i should let her know what had happened given that her boy was not around. She came over, went into his room, and found the "fisting" porno mag which had previously been hidden under a chest of drawers and had obviously been moved around by the thieves looking for stuff to steal.

I'll never forget the look on her back-end-of-middle-aged face as she picked it up and said "Oh dear, is that what Winston's into?"

CRINGE!

This was before mobile phones.. so I simply had to wait for Winston's next call home to say hi.. Dear readers, would you care to take a guess at which bit of news made him more upset...?
(Sat 29th Nov 2008, 19:46, More)

» Cringe!

Movies and unicorns...
Many moons ago when I was working in a drive-through liquor store (bottle-shop) which was part of a pub back in Melbourne...

My mate Joe was quite the clubber and he would always be telling me about how on a Sunday night "Chasers" was the place to be.. he had drilled this into me over a couple of years despite me having no interest in clubbing at all..

There was a really hot secretary (Trish) working at the pub.. Very attractive, heaving bosom and flirty as hell. Joe somehow managed to wangle a date with her, much to the astonishment (and jealousy) of the rest of us. Trish had no idea that we all new this date was in the offing..

They went to the local drive-in where they had a regular "dusk til dawn" session every Sunday night.. A good night was had by all.. especially for Joe who had his first experince of fellatio for the first time that night - at that age this was a massively big deal..

The following week at work, Joe's telling me the story of his conquest.. Trish comes out to the bottle shop to change the tills..

Joe and I yak away, as we do... and somehow the discussion came around to things to do of a weekend. Wanting to be cheeky without being obvious, I said to Joe "and you know the place to be on a Sunday night?" He expected me to say "Chasers". *I* expected me to say "Chasers"! ..but my subconscious got the better of me and I accidentally blurted out "Dusk til Dawn"...

Trish glares at Joe. Joe glares at me.. I sink into the ground.. CRAP.. how am I going to get out of this one? Their "secret" date was clearly no longer so..

I make up some lame story about how I'd been to the drive-in myself recently and loved it... the story was lame, and we all knew it.. It was an unbelievably awkward 30 seconds that followed. Trish changed the tills and left without really saying anything..

Joe was unimpressed.. His and Trish's their brief dalliance ended their and then.. I'f it had been deliberate I would have been Ok with it. As such I still feel bad some 15 years later.. Sorry mate...

*****************

My second most cringeworthy moment was at the pub Christmas party that year.. Trish had brought along her new boyfriend to the dinner. A real muscle head.. Big muscles, brain the size of a pea (and let's face it - most likely hung like an elephant)..

This boyfriend had never met any of us before, yet before main course hit the table he blurted out "Trish sucks my d!ck until it's like a unicorn's horn".. Oh the imagery.. Like, how do you respond to that?? Silence at the table.. Needless to say, he was never seen again...

Apologies for the boyfriend's length..
(Sat 29th Nov 2008, 15:58, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

Snoop Dog @ Heathrow
A few weeks ago I was at Heathrow returning from a business trip to Frankfurt. About 20m away I saw a crowd gathering... I looked closer and it was none other than Snoop Dog and his posse. Imagine my surprise when I read the following day's paper and saw that he and some of his crew had been arrested for being knobs in a lounge. I worked out that I must have seen him about 10min before all the fighting broke out...

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Back in 1999 I went to see Deep Purple at the Palace in Melbourne. Having been a fan for years I decided to wait outside the venue for the band to come out after the show. After about 2 hours I got my wish and the band emerged. They signed autographs and chatted with fans. I was most excited about seeing Ian Gillan the singer - but to be honest I found him to be a bit of a prick.

--------

At an adult exhibition a couple of years ago I met Jenna Jameson. I was so excited that I came in my pants right then and there. *


* that last story might well be a complete fabrication
(Sun 28th May 2006, 13:55, More)