» Festivals

Shower O' Piss
During one of the first of my many visits to Greenbelt (I'm not a christian,I just like a more relaxed festival experience) I was familiarising myself with the area and memorising the late night route to the shitters, being a crowded and "family friendly" festival pissing on the racecourse is not an option (unless you want to be responsible for the lead runner in the Cheltenham Festival to slip up on your warm puddles).
Around the closest portaloos to my tent are some other cubicles, which on first inspection are for a service called "Golden Showers", even more to my surprise i see a line of people making bookings. Elderly women, children and even nuns seemed to be taking an interest in this very organised festival watersport. Only on the double take do I re-read the sign and make it out to say "Gloden Showers", damn my dyslexia.

Either way, whoever thought of hiring this company and then placing these public conveniences next to the public conveniences was a genius or a fool.

if you dont believe me you can hire your own at www.igloucestershire.co.uk/profile/441848/Tewkesbury/Gloden-Mobile-Showers-For-Hire/
(Mon 8th Jun 2009, 16:40, More)

» Teenage Parties

Upon Awakening
back when i was 14 i went to my usual surf spot in cornwall. One night i hear of a beach party thats going on at my local (beach not pub). So after closing time me and me mates stumble put of our local (pub not beach) and head towards the noise. The party was incredible, you'd go up to somone and try and ponce a fag and they'd roll you a joint.
To this day I dont know what preceeded me waking up propped agaisnt a hedge in a field with my right shoe next to my left foot and my left shoe 20 feet (no puns please) off to my right, my trousers 'round my ankles and mummified by about 5 rolls of arsewipe.

Another time i went to a party in a building that was sentanced to be demolished the next day. Needless to say everyone went crazy and destryed walls, toilet cubicles and burst a water main thing.
Next day we find out it was meant to be decorated not demolished

No apologies for length as I was still wearing my boxers
(Thu 13th Apr 2006, 16:24, More)

» Heckles

Not A Heckle But,
Last night i went to see Placebo at Alexandra Palace.
There is a little known group of Placebo fans called the Rubber Duckie Brigade whose function it is to throw rubber ducks at said band. After getting there and queing in the piss poor weather I realise that I forgot my duck. I spent pretty much the entire gig stumbling around asking everyone if they knew how to do balloon modelling so they could make me my estranged duckie. No one did.

As far as I'm aware at the end of the night the stage was duck free.
(Wed 12th Apr 2006, 9:56, More)

» The Boss

My boss
who is an absolute leg-end, spent about 10 grand on two of the most beautiful superbikes it's ever been my pleasure to drool over, then spent another wad on kitting them out with carbon fibre, new brakes, clutches, mag wheels etc.

A week before they are delivered he gets a very bad attack of Labrynthitis (a massive inner ear infection that permanantly fucks your hearing and balance).

Now he can't ride on the road anymore.
(Fri 19th Jun 2009, 12:17, More)