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» Pointless Experiments

B&Q Tannoy System and Customer Experiments
I spent a while working in B&Q in Sutton whilst in the 6th form. After a particularly boring Saturday morning, me and one of the section managers started trying customer experiments with the tannoy system. The first announcement was:

"Will the man with the beard come to reception please"

Classic. Eight blokes with various styles of beard turn up. We tell them none of them are the right one. Next announcement:

"Will the man with the beard who looks like The Master from Doctor Who come to reception please"

Very hard to keep a straight face at this stage. Two more customers turn up at reception (one of whom had come up on the previous announcement - but thought he might look a bit like The Master). Both told despite having a passing resemblance to The Master (and beards), they are not the droids we are looking for.

Carried on this game for some time, including some crackers like:

"Will the customer who has left an mechanised automaton in the car park please come to reception"

Three people turned up "in case" ????

"Will the lady in the short skirt and high heels please come to reception"

"Will the owner of the mobility scooter currently on fire in the car park come to reception"

One petrified granny turns up on a zimmer. (felt guilty about this one)

Anyway, we got away with it for several hours till the store manager got wind of it. He went mental.

Not really much about experiments I suppose.
(Thu 31st Jul 2008, 2:39, More)

» Going Too Far

Indian Restaurant Challenge - Going Too Far
Some time around 1995, myself and mates at my local set up a challenge to see who could nick the most innovative / difficult thing from a curry house.

The first few weeks were fairly mundane, with menus, napkins, poppadum baskets etc mounting up. The first really good effort was a table cloth which one guy had stuffed down his trousers to smuggle out. This raised the bar significantly, and was soon followed by a chair (sneaked out under several coats), a couple of balti pots, a large ceramic elephant and a toilet seat.

A couple of weeks later, we were at a party discussing who had "won" the challenge and had decided on a prize of a crate of lager (naturally). It was reasonably late and we were all hammered, when two of the guys disappeared. Half an hour later they return carrying....drumroll....a waiter with a mail bag over his head and his ankles tied together.

The small indian chap was more confused at being kidnapped than annoyed. However, once he had got his bearings, it took some effort to placate him.

Stealing a waiter....that's going too far...
(Sun 12th Nov 2006, 23:28, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

A Repost - B&Q Tannoy System Antics
I spent a while working in B&Q in Sutton whilst in the 6th form. After a particularly boring Saturday morning, me and one of the section managers started trying customer experiments with the tannoy system. The first announcement was:

"Will the man with the beard come to reception please"

Classic. Eight blokes with various styles of beard turn up. We tell them none of them are the right one. Next announcement:

"Will the man with the beard who looks like The Master from Doctor Who come to reception please"

Very hard to keep a straight face at this stage. Two more customers turn up at reception (one of whom had come up on the previous announcement - but thought he might look a bit like The Master). Both told despite having a passing resemblance to The Master (and beards), they are not the droids we are looking for.

Carried on this game for some time, including some crackers like:

"Will the customer who has left an mechanised automaton in the car park please come to reception"

Three people turned up "in case" ????

"Will the lady in the short skirt and high heels please come to reception"

"Will the owner of the mobility scooter currently on fire in the car park come to reception"

One petrified granny turns up on a zimmer. (felt guilty about this one)

Anyway, we got away with it for several hours till the store manager got wind of it. He went mental.
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 4:09, More)

» Evil Pranks

Wasp Bombs
Wasp bombs are a cunning prank a mate and I invented at school. A word of warning though...they do work and they can turn nasty. Instructions are as follows:

1. Get a good size, clean jam jar and put a teaspoon of honey or syrup in the bottom.

2. Cover the top of the jar with a stiff piece of card and secure with a strong elastic band, making a drum skin type cover.

3. Take a freshly sharpened pencil and puncture the card lid ten or so times, thereby making inverse triangular holes in it.

4. Place the jar in a hedge, bush or any other space where you believe wasps are known to frequent on a regular basis.

5. Leave the jar for a couple of days. On your return you should find the jar contains a lot of angry wasps. They are attracted in by the syrup but cannot get out because of the shape of the holes in the lid.

6. Find your victim's bag in the cloakroom and unzip about six inches. Place the jar (now a "wasp bomb") in the bag. In one quick movement pull the lid off the jar and quickly zip the bag back up again.

7. Wait for your vicitm to retrieve his bag and watch him open from a safe distance.

We did this several times. The best result was a 50 odd wasper which we placed in the bag of a class "mate". Cut to first lesson after lunch...chemistry. The lad opens his bag to immediately be attacked by the angry yellow and black boys within. He received at least 8 stings to the face and neck. (oops).

No one ever found who did it. Truly an evil but somewhat amusing gag.
(Tue 18th Dec 2007, 3:13, More)

» Stupid Dares

How to Annoy Your Dad

When I was eight, my sister dared me to push a paper clip up my nose (for some reason). I duly did this, all the way up, and lodged it nicely in the depths of my sinuses. This was followed by a severe panic when I realised I could not get it out again, and it was causing a nasty metallic grating pain in the middle of my face.

As a result, my dad had to take me to A&E where we waited for two hours to be seen. A doctor finally saw us and removed the offending paper clip with a long thin pair of pliers. There was a bit of blood, and a nasty little bit of flesh on the paper clip once removed. This was followed by a long lecture from both the doctor and my dad (who was very pissed off by this time).

We get home, and I head off to catch up with my sister. After ten minutes or so, she dares me to put the paper clip up my nose again. MMmmm...after a minute of so of thought, and taunting, I thrust another paper clip up my nose, again losing the end and lodging it in my sinuses again.

You can imagine how pleased my dad was when I sheepishly went to report my predicament for the second time in one day. Cue, three more hours at the hospital, and the same doctor....very annoyed this time.
(Sun 4th Nov 2007, 23:31, More)
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