» Putting the Fun in Funeral

acrobatic mother
It has been a long standing joke in my family when my mother fell head first into an open grave in the 60's .. A couple of years ago I was at a funeral in the pouring rain with her, as she approached the grave to throw the obligatory handful of earth onto the coffin I and the rest of the clan waited with baited breath. Yes she did. Again.
(Wed 17th May 2006, 16:40, More)

» Strict Parents

My Ma
Lived in mortal fear that I would follow the family tradition of being a drunkard..

On the very first day of inebriation (I was 19) I staggered in to be greeted by 'oh my God, You are drunk'

To which I replied ' No, Mother I am simply hangliding'

Sad but true.
(Mon 12th Mar 2007, 14:00, More)

» Personal Hygiene

The same
guy I previously mentioned once actually shat himself at his desk. No. Really.

Rather than doing the normal thing (like dying of shame and quitting) he sat in his own dung for the rest of the afternoon...

Oh the smell, the smell.

Bastard.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2007, 14:28, More)

» Useless advice

Don't tell smart arsed kids anything ..
My son's RE teacher was waffling on about her life outside of school and her involvement with the local spiritualist church

Her 'Yes I have done a exorcism'

Him (knowlingly) 'So would you say you are a ghostbuster?'

Her 'Yes, I suppose so'

She is now hounded by calls of 'who you gonna call and endless renditions of the theme tune..

Well done Jake.
(Thu 19th Oct 2006, 14:25, More)

» Personal Hygiene

If you are eating
look away now.

My brother works as a psychiatric nurse, on one sorry day he and his colleagues noticed a foul odour on the ward ..

Eventually they traced it to some poor catatonic soul’s mouth, naturally my bro decided to clean his teeth

This is the bad part .. halfway through cleaning he noticed red lumps on the toothbrush, yep – the patients gums (and most of his tongue) had been gently rotting away.

Bleargh
(Mon 26th Mar 2007, 14:48, More)