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An emergency dump...
One St Patrick’s night my mate and I went to an Irish pub and got totally bladdered on Guinness. There was a lock in and we didn't leave until the governor kicked us out at 4am. No night buses in those days and forget illegal taxis. Ok, so it’s a 2 mile walk home. About one mile into our drunken trek my mates belly rumbled like thunder and he knew he had to have a good shit right here, right now, couldn't hold it in, forget it!! About 100 yards ahead was an entrance to a towpath for the Duke of Northumberland River, so I told my mate to go and have a shit in the bushes on the towpath, no one will be able to see you plus you can wipe your arse in the river and I'll keep a look out from the bridge. So off he goes, drops his kacks and massive load into this bush at which point all we could hear was a chorus of quacking. A group of ducks in quite a rage came flapping out of the bushes covered in my mate’s smelly, stinky, black & runny Guinness dump. Even to this day I still can't look a duck straight in the eye.
(Fri 22nd Jun 2007, 11:40, More)