» The Worst Journey in the World

Trains
Last year sometime, I think it was Feb/March time, me and friend decided to hop on the train into London to see God Forbid at the Underworld. Journey down there was fine and despite an unfortunate encounter with a chav outside the venue we had a cracking time. A few beers afterwards at The Worlds End. The journey back was less fun. Got stuck on the last train that stops at all stations between Euston and MK Central. Stuck in the middle of the carriage I fight my way to the toilet.
Two stops along we all have to get off onto coaches. Coaches that dont have toilets which I seem to need as soon as I sit down. Eventually we pull into a random station in the middle of nowhere. Only about four of us on the coach. I ask the driver he minds waiting for a few minutes while I empty the old bladder. Not at all, he tells me he will wait till I get back.
Which he doesnt. I end up having to chase the coach and jumping infront of it at a crossroads. He said he forgot.

Good gig though.
(Thu 7th Sep 2006, 23:52, More)

» Barred

All those previously barred from The Gate are still barred.
I once got barred from a somewhat grotty dive in the nearby town of Colley Gate. The Gate pub. If you live around here you probably know of its reputation. Went in there, underage, after a few hours drinking at other places. Quite drunk. Our age was the reason for the barring. There is a sign in the window that states "All those previously barred from The Gate are still barred" Classy place.
Ive been thrown out of a few places around the world. Mainly in America. I got chucked out from New York, New York in Vegas. Id been in town less than 8 hours. Met some drunken Aussies in our hostel. This ended up as a drinking contest in various casinos. He collapsed and vomited everywhere. I went back the next night.
The Viper Room in LA has what has to be the best bouncer in the world. Good sense of humour and extremely friendly with everyone in there. I was giving him grief by hanging half in and out of the club so I could try smoking and drinking at the same time. It was my way of trying to get round Californias smoking laws. In the end he roared loudly picked me up and placed me right in the middle of the bar. Shouted "stay here" then trundled off. Off topic but I think its a funny story :)

Broad St in Birmingham I also got ejected quite roughly from Henry J Beans. About four years ago we were celebrating our A level results. Mike, a rare drinker in our group, was extremly drunk. We sat down after coming from the bar. He threw up all over the table. I grabbed him, threw him into a booth and gave him a pitcher I found nearby. He filled two of those things. The booth next to us in the end got the bouncer. He kicked everyone out but me. Instead he dragged me round to the back, no idea why it was me, gave me a right bollocking about how I was going to take that chap home. He then literally threw me out of the door.
I dont go to Broad St anymore. Too many chavs and it the place always breaks out in violence.
(Sat 2nd Sep 2006, 13:11, More)

» Encounters with Royalty

Slut Queen
I once came face to face with The Queen of Sluts, Paris Hilton, while I was in Los Angeles.

About 5ft high and an extremly impolite person. Still would have, just to sell the story afterwards.
(Fri 4th Aug 2006, 10:11, More)

» Lies I told on my CV

Sometimes you can be too honest...
Ive never really lied on a CV although I did just guess what my predicted grade was, for jobs I applied for during my year off from uni. As far as I know no one I ever worked for ever checked up on that.
Howevers some classics some people I know said in interviews for the same companies that I had interviews at:

When asked why do you see as your worst quality one guy actually listed things he was bad at. Getting up in the morning, finding it difficult to learn things.
Another one actually asked if he could start at 10am because it would be easier for his sleep pattern.

I swear I got more job offers because I was just the best of a bad bunch.

Saying that Ive been unemployed for over a month now :(
(Fri 7th Jul 2006, 11:51, More)

» Rock and Roll Stories

Once you read it you cant unread it!
Music fanatacism is something that seems to run in all males within our family. My uncle was a roadie for Deep Purple and the mighty Led Zeppelin. Anyway I went to LA to see The White Stripes play last summer(well I needed a holiday I thought I might as well go and do that) my uncle gave me the number of his friend from his roadie days who lives there. His name was Mad-dog. He picked me up from the cockroach infested hole I was staying at and I spent the afternoon hanging around his ridiculously nice penthouse apartment up in the Hollywood Hills drinking scotch. A few glasses in he lets slip that the bottle is 30 years old and was given to him by Rod Stewart as a thank you gift. I felt pretty classy that afternoon. Then he dropped me off at the Greek Theatre in his hideously expensive sports car. Then of course I got lost trying to walk back to Melrose Ave and ended up in quite a rough part of town.

A few years ago I used to live in Aberystwyth and used to follow a local band called The Hot Puppies quite closely. I hear they are all down London now. Anyway quite often ended up going for post-gig drinks with them. The most amusing of which was on my friends Ed's birthday. He got drunk and the lead singer was quite obviously trying to get him into bed, he was oblivious. He still hasnt lived that down. I ended up trying to chat her up, dropping my pint smashing the glass and kinda drooling on myself. I went home alone that night.

Probably my favourite rock n roll story however is not that interesting to anyone but me. Watching The Distillers play in 03 just before Coral Fang came out. Belly full of beer and chemicals, it was beautiful.

Ah well I guess those stories arent too funny. Nevermind. Ive got tickets to see My Ruin on Monday night so Ill try and come up with a better rock moment then :)
(Thu 29th Jun 2006, 20:40, More)