Profile for TheAlmightyBeev:
"I was in a line at the supermarket the other day, I had all my things on the little conveyor belt there. And there's a lady in front of me that is, well, she's staring at me and I'm getting a little nervous and she continues to stare at me. And I keep looking the other way. And then, finally she comes over closer to me and she says:
"I apologise for staring, that must have been annoying. I, I... You look so much like my son, who died. I just can't take my eyes off you."
She precedes to go into her purse and she pulls out a photograph of her son who'd died. And he looks absolutely nothing like me. In fact he's Chinese. Anyway, we chatted a little bit. And uh, she says:
"I'm sorry, I have to ask you. Would you mind, as I leave the supermarket here, would you mind saying "Goodbye mom" to me? I, I know it's a strange request but I haven't heard my son saying "Goodbye mom" to me, and "So long" and it would mean so much to me to hear it. And uh, if you don't mind I... "
And I said: "Well, you know, okay, yeah, sure. Eh.. uh... I can say that." And so she gets her groceries all checked out. And as she's going out the door she waves at me and she hollers across the store: "Goodbye son!" And I look up and I wave and I say: "Goodbye mom!" And then she goes, so I get my few things there, on the conveyor belt and the checker checks out my things. He gives me the total and he says: "That'll be four hundred and seventy nine dollars." and I said: "Well, how is that possible! I've only got a little tuna fish, and some skimmed milk, and mustard and a loaf of bread..." He goes: "Well, well you're also paying for the groceries for your mother. She uh, told me you'd take care of the bill for her." And I said: "Well, wait a minute! That's not my mother!" And he says: "Well I distinctly heard her say as she left the store "Bye son!" and you said "Bye mom!" and so what are you trying to say here, uh..."
I said: "Well, JESUS!" And I looked out into the parking lot and she was just getting into her car. And I ran out there. And she was just closing the door, and she had a little bit of her leg sticking out of the door and she was pulling away and I grabbed her leg and I started PULLING it!
Just the way
I'm pulling yours..."
Tom Waits
I did manage to win RagingBullFrog's mini /links competition about songs with alternate meanings, by posting this video of the B52's Rock Lobster, a lovely chirpy 80's tune about drowning.
A-Walla-Fa-Shag-Ba knocked up this little badge for me:
I feel so proud.
I'm also a member of the B3ta Monkey Lovers Club, thanks to Monty for uniting us under this banner:
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 3 years, 4 months and 8 days
- has posted 56 messages on the main board
- has posted 98 messages on the talk board
- has posted 1150 messages on the links board
- (including 118 links)
- has posted 9 stories and 9 replies on question of the week
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"I was in a line at the supermarket the other day, I had all my things on the little conveyor belt there. And there's a lady in front of me that is, well, she's staring at me and I'm getting a little nervous and she continues to stare at me. And I keep looking the other way. And then, finally she comes over closer to me and she says:
"I apologise for staring, that must have been annoying. I, I... You look so much like my son, who died. I just can't take my eyes off you."
She precedes to go into her purse and she pulls out a photograph of her son who'd died. And he looks absolutely nothing like me. In fact he's Chinese. Anyway, we chatted a little bit. And uh, she says:
"I'm sorry, I have to ask you. Would you mind, as I leave the supermarket here, would you mind saying "Goodbye mom" to me? I, I know it's a strange request but I haven't heard my son saying "Goodbye mom" to me, and "So long" and it would mean so much to me to hear it. And uh, if you don't mind I... "
And I said: "Well, you know, okay, yeah, sure. Eh.. uh... I can say that." And so she gets her groceries all checked out. And as she's going out the door she waves at me and she hollers across the store: "Goodbye son!" And I look up and I wave and I say: "Goodbye mom!" And then she goes, so I get my few things there, on the conveyor belt and the checker checks out my things. He gives me the total and he says: "That'll be four hundred and seventy nine dollars." and I said: "Well, how is that possible! I've only got a little tuna fish, and some skimmed milk, and mustard and a loaf of bread..." He goes: "Well, well you're also paying for the groceries for your mother. She uh, told me you'd take care of the bill for her." And I said: "Well, wait a minute! That's not my mother!" And he says: "Well I distinctly heard her say as she left the store "Bye son!" and you said "Bye mom!" and so what are you trying to say here, uh..."
I said: "Well, JESUS!" And I looked out into the parking lot and she was just getting into her car. And I ran out there. And she was just closing the door, and she had a little bit of her leg sticking out of the door and she was pulling away and I grabbed her leg and I started PULLING it!
Just the way
I'm pulling yours..."
Tom Waits
I did manage to win RagingBullFrog's mini /links competition about songs with alternate meanings, by posting this video of the B52's Rock Lobster, a lovely chirpy 80's tune about drowning.
A-Walla-Fa-Shag-Ba knocked up this little badge for me:
I feel so proud.
I'm also a member of the B3ta Monkey Lovers Club, thanks to Monty for uniting us under this banner:
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Body Mods
Weelllll...
I just have a tattoo of a monkey (designed by my girlfriend - now wife), but I intend to get more. The real story here is not so much a body mod one, but it fits with some of the other responses...
When I was little, i found a hypodermic needle & syringe in our house (my dad used it for something to do with his photography) I decided i would fill it with water and squirt a friend in the face. He took offense to this and tried to stop me by flailing his hands around. Predictably, needle connected with hand and pierced right through his palm. Despite him going a funny colour, i decided to squirt him in the face some more, right through his hand.
(Mon 4th Dec 2006, 16:38, More)
Weelllll...
I just have a tattoo of a monkey (designed by my girlfriend - now wife), but I intend to get more. The real story here is not so much a body mod one, but it fits with some of the other responses...
When I was little, i found a hypodermic needle & syringe in our house (my dad used it for something to do with his photography) I decided i would fill it with water and squirt a friend in the face. He took offense to this and tried to stop me by flailing his hands around. Predictably, needle connected with hand and pierced right through his palm. Despite him going a funny colour, i decided to squirt him in the face some more, right through his hand.
(Mon 4th Dec 2006, 16:38, More)
» Going Too Far
Ketchup
I used to live with a right little scumbag at uni, for anonimity's sake we will call him Y.
There were four of us in our house and Y would consistently steal from us and lie about it, spread rumors about us to girls we liked, fail to pay rent, whilst still going out every night clubbing etc...
My flatmate X started extracting revenge on Y by spitting in his ketchup.
Then he pissed in it.
He decided a bit of his own blood would go nicely.
Later, put a little nugget of turd in there.
This led on to a handful of fresh jizz.
He followed by 3 months worth of crushed up contraceptive pill.
I think he went too far somewhere. Can't make my mind up where.
(the punchline is that Y once offered X some ketchup, and X said "No thanks, I dont like that brand, too salty")
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 18:03, More)
Ketchup
I used to live with a right little scumbag at uni, for anonimity's sake we will call him Y.
There were four of us in our house and Y would consistently steal from us and lie about it, spread rumors about us to girls we liked, fail to pay rent, whilst still going out every night clubbing etc...
My flatmate X started extracting revenge on Y by spitting in his ketchup.
Then he pissed in it.
He decided a bit of his own blood would go nicely.
Later, put a little nugget of turd in there.
This led on to a handful of fresh jizz.
He followed by 3 months worth of crushed up contraceptive pill.
I think he went too far somewhere. Can't make my mind up where.
(the punchline is that Y once offered X some ketchup, and X said "No thanks, I dont like that brand, too salty")
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 18:03, More)
» Pet Peeves
Just a little one
But it really really annoys me.
"Nothink"
"Somthink"
These words end in a g. Not a k. you wouldn't type it with a k, (or you might - see below) so why pronounce it with one?
I immediately assume anyone who pronounces 'nothink' to be an idiot. This further annoys me as I don't wish to judge people on such small things. I grew up in the midlands, and so I understand that the way you speak may not reflect your intelligence, but say 'nothink' around me and I will assume you have the IQ of a dim-witted hamster who has just chewed through your own leg.
It's worse than a mains electric shock or a dose of malaria, every time I hear it.
(Tue 6th May 2008, 10:12, More)
Just a little one
But it really really annoys me.
"Nothink"
"Somthink"
These words end in a g. Not a k. you wouldn't type it with a k, (or you might - see below) so why pronounce it with one?
I immediately assume anyone who pronounces 'nothink' to be an idiot. This further annoys me as I don't wish to judge people on such small things. I grew up in the midlands, and so I understand that the way you speak may not reflect your intelligence, but say 'nothink' around me and I will assume you have the IQ of a dim-witted hamster who has just chewed through your own leg.
It's worse than a mains electric shock or a dose of malaria, every time I hear it.
(Tue 6th May 2008, 10:12, More)
» Common
Nothink...
I'll openly admit to being as middle class as they come, and I don't like to think of people as being beneath me on account of their behaviour or upbringing. However, people who say 'nothink' instead of 'nothing' really annoy me, and I can't help but think of them as idiots.
(Sat 18th Oct 2008, 23:11, More)
Nothink...
I'll openly admit to being as middle class as they come, and I don't like to think of people as being beneath me on account of their behaviour or upbringing. However, people who say 'nothink' instead of 'nothing' really annoy me, and I can't help but think of them as idiots.
(Sat 18th Oct 2008, 23:11, More)