» Other people's diaries

I read my little brother's text messages a couple of years ago
Most were from his girlfriend, asking if she could "meet Bruce" again. Yes, my brother's nicknamed his boy-parts "Bruce". I would've left them in eace if they were older, but as she was 13 at the time and he was 14, I felt obligated to take the piss out of it as much as possible. Even to the point that when we got a new dog I suggested the name Bruce.

Length? He's my brother, how would I know?
(Thu 1st Feb 2007, 23:17, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

"THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH
...if that's okay with the rest of you guys..."
(Fri 4th May 2007, 3:24, More)

» Mistaken Identity

My family has a habit of calling each other by the wrong name
Such as my Nan who has 6 kids - "Bil-Bar-Gav-Sue-Ken-WARREN!"

My favourite story though, is myself. Always being picked on by my brothers, I'm inevidibly yelling at either of them. This has become fairly common, so they hardly notice. On one occasion, however, I saw red. I had tripped over one of their toys and screamed the house down for five minutes - using MY OWN NAME throughout the whole rant. I didn't even notice until I calmed down a little and wondered why my whole family were rolling around on the floor, purple with laughter...
(Tue 5th Jun 2007, 8:05, More)

» My first experience of porn

Innocently looking up Backstreet Boys websites...
At a public library. I hadn't discovered Google, or any form of search engine at that time, so my "searching" involved me taking pot shots at what a site's address would be.

www.Backstreetboys.com - Nothing. Hmm, let's break down the name then.

www.Backstreet.com - Nothing.

www.Boys.com - BINGO! A wonderful not-so-little free gay website, filled to the brim with men in what can only be described as "interesting" poses.

Because it was a library computer I was viewing it on, it ran a little slow. It went even slower when trying to get the fuck off a gay porn website. Librarian pokes her head around the corner to see why my little face had gone ghost-white.

I've been banned from that library for eight years now.
(Wed 31st Jan 2007, 23:02, More)

» Call Centres

Not a call centre at all really...
...but I have accidently slipped out some corkers while staffing the drive-thru at McDonald's! We had the standard drive-up-to-the-speaker-and-wait-for-the-girl-to-ask-what-you-want set up... I tended to get distracted easily, especially when drive thru wasn't busy and I was helping the boys in the kitchen.

Here's a few of my favourites from my own mouth:

Hello, welcome to McDonald's, can I take a bite?
Hi, can I take your temperature?
Hi, can I make your day?
Good morning, welcome to... Um... erm... Oh! McDonalds!
(Sat 5th Sep 2009, 13:46, More)