Profile for jidler:
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chundermonkey (at) gmail (dot) com
Stick b3ta somewhere in the title so I know not to delete it!
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- a member for 17 years, 8 months and 22 days
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- has posted 16 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
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If you feel the need to email me then do so...
chundermonkey (at) gmail (dot) com
Stick b3ta somewhere in the title so I know not to delete it!
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Not Losing Your Virginity
True Story...
Bit of a long one as you have to hear the whole story, it is quite good!
Last summer at the grand old age of 28 and a half (the half isn't really important) I finally got my first girlfriend. She wasn't that attractive but then again I am an ugly bugger so it really didn't matter. We spent a bit of time together getting to know each other and had a little 'fun' and it wasn't going to be too long before we actually did it!! I found out from my mate (who remembered sleeping with her on a drunken night out about three years previously) that she was a bit of a goer!! RESULT!! The little man would finally get some action and she liked it a bit kinky!!
I was due to see her on the weekend as her workshifts didn't allow me to see her for much of that week and on the tuesday I was giving my plums a bit of a scratch and I noticed a lump! Straight up the docs the next day.....the only doc available was a woman!! Great......first person to actually see my little man and knackers was a middle aged GP! Anyways, she didn't like what she felt and saw and an emergency appointment was made at the hospital for an ultrasound! This confirmed every man's worst fears, a possible tumour! No sooner had I got homefrom the hospital following the ultrasound, I had a phonecall from the consultant asking me to go for an emergency appointment the next day to discuss treatment! Worst case scenario again, my left nut had to come off.......This was on the Friday, I was asked to come in on Monday for an orchidectomy (nut removal) on the Tuesday. In light of this news I completely forgot about that weekend's plans.......
Suffice to say, operation went well and I was in no fit state to do anything for quite some time due to the fact that the wound in my groin took an age to heal. I hadn't heard from this girl and it wasn't until my mate came to see me that I actually remembered about her....He asked if we had managed to get it on before the op..........
I rang her and told her about what had happened and that I was getting better and would like to see her again as soon as I was able (bearing in mind this was about 2 weeks after our supposed weekend of doing it). She told me to 'get to fuck' but said that at least i got 11 out of 10 for my excuse as she hadn't heard that one before!!
Denied sex by a cancerous testicle!! What are the chances?
By the way, I am OK now, nearly 30 and still a virgin.....any girls reading this want to pop my cherry?
(Sat 28th Oct 2006, 23:02, More)
True Story...
Bit of a long one as you have to hear the whole story, it is quite good!
Last summer at the grand old age of 28 and a half (the half isn't really important) I finally got my first girlfriend. She wasn't that attractive but then again I am an ugly bugger so it really didn't matter. We spent a bit of time together getting to know each other and had a little 'fun' and it wasn't going to be too long before we actually did it!! I found out from my mate (who remembered sleeping with her on a drunken night out about three years previously) that she was a bit of a goer!! RESULT!! The little man would finally get some action and she liked it a bit kinky!!
I was due to see her on the weekend as her workshifts didn't allow me to see her for much of that week and on the tuesday I was giving my plums a bit of a scratch and I noticed a lump! Straight up the docs the next day.....the only doc available was a woman!! Great......first person to actually see my little man and knackers was a middle aged GP! Anyways, she didn't like what she felt and saw and an emergency appointment was made at the hospital for an ultrasound! This confirmed every man's worst fears, a possible tumour! No sooner had I got homefrom the hospital following the ultrasound, I had a phonecall from the consultant asking me to go for an emergency appointment the next day to discuss treatment! Worst case scenario again, my left nut had to come off.......This was on the Friday, I was asked to come in on Monday for an orchidectomy (nut removal) on the Tuesday. In light of this news I completely forgot about that weekend's plans.......
Suffice to say, operation went well and I was in no fit state to do anything for quite some time due to the fact that the wound in my groin took an age to heal. I hadn't heard from this girl and it wasn't until my mate came to see me that I actually remembered about her....He asked if we had managed to get it on before the op..........
I rang her and told her about what had happened and that I was getting better and would like to see her again as soon as I was able (bearing in mind this was about 2 weeks after our supposed weekend of doing it). She told me to 'get to fuck' but said that at least i got 11 out of 10 for my excuse as she hadn't heard that one before!!
Denied sex by a cancerous testicle!! What are the chances?
By the way, I am OK now, nearly 30 and still a virgin.....any girls reading this want to pop my cherry?
(Sat 28th Oct 2006, 23:02, More)
» Best Graffiti Ever
Seen from space
A few months ago there was all this hoo-ha about some kids that had used weedkiller to draw a massive schlong outside their school in Southampton, and the evidence could clearly be seen on google earth and local.live......
Well, it has to be the best graffiti ever to have been seen from space!!
The evidence!
Length? Looks to be about 8 foot!!
(Mon 7th May 2007, 15:24, More)
Seen from space
A few months ago there was all this hoo-ha about some kids that had used weedkiller to draw a massive schlong outside their school in Southampton, and the evidence could clearly be seen on google earth and local.live......
Well, it has to be the best graffiti ever to have been seen from space!!
The evidence!
Length? Looks to be about 8 foot!!
(Mon 7th May 2007, 15:24, More)
» Terrible Parenting
My dad.....
....told me and my brother that toothpaste was poisounous if you swallowed it (my brother used to eat it)....I got so scared that I didn't clean my teeth for years...
Nice one dad!
(Thu 16th Aug 2007, 10:18, More)
My dad.....
....told me and my brother that toothpaste was poisounous if you swallowed it (my brother used to eat it)....I got so scared that I didn't clean my teeth for years...
Nice one dad!
(Thu 16th Aug 2007, 10:18, More)
» Mistaken Identity
Stuck in a traffic jam yesterday...
Trying to avoid a rather large traffic delay yesterday just outside Henley-on-Thames, my friends and I decided to ask TomTom to redirect us along the nearest available route. The lane we took was a bit narrow in places but on the whole it was ok. As we neared the rowing club the lane bottlenecked due to parked cars and we were sat in a huge queue of traffic with nowhere to go. Next to us and trying to go in the opposite direction was a rather annoyed local woman who kept muttering to herself about how this was not a cut-through for any old riff raff....she then turned to face us and said, "I'm sorry, but this is a local road for local people" to which I replied...."I'm sorry, you've mistaken me for someone who actually gives a fuck!!"....Pretentious cow!!!!!!
- joke about length and girth here -
(Mon 4th Jun 2007, 12:11, More)
Stuck in a traffic jam yesterday...
Trying to avoid a rather large traffic delay yesterday just outside Henley-on-Thames, my friends and I decided to ask TomTom to redirect us along the nearest available route. The lane we took was a bit narrow in places but on the whole it was ok. As we neared the rowing club the lane bottlenecked due to parked cars and we were sat in a huge queue of traffic with nowhere to go. Next to us and trying to go in the opposite direction was a rather annoyed local woman who kept muttering to herself about how this was not a cut-through for any old riff raff....she then turned to face us and said, "I'm sorry, but this is a local road for local people" to which I replied...."I'm sorry, you've mistaken me for someone who actually gives a fuck!!"....Pretentious cow!!!!!!
- joke about length and girth here -
(Mon 4th Jun 2007, 12:11, More)
» Beautiful but Bonkers
...
My mum says I am not allowed to go out with girls until I am 35...only five years to go!
(Fri 17th Nov 2006, 14:01, More)
...
My mum says I am not allowed to go out with girls until I am 35...only five years to go!
(Fri 17th Nov 2006, 14:01, More)