» Other people's diaries

My father and I.....
After several suspicious items arrived at the house in his name, which he claimed were errors, I decided to follow up my long running suspicions that he was having an affair and hacked into his computer.
There I found that he was less than 48 hours away from cleaning out the house and bank accounts and fleeing the country. He'd applied for a transfer to New Zealand with the company he worked for and had struck up a relationship with a 'madgenz' over there. There were disgusting msn messages back and forth including talk of him showing "his bits" on web cam and him laughing about how stupid we all were and he'd never recieve his come uppance.
I never liked him, never trusted him and I damn sure made sure his uppance came with a vengeance. I told my mum.
An hour later his mate came around to get his stuff. He was still working. I broke his glasses and destroyed his passport.

He's tried to contact me to 'build a relationship. I told him to fuck off and die'
(Tue 6th Feb 2007, 12:28, More)

» Pet Stories

Fuzz the dog
We used to have a dog called Fuzz, terribly skittish, afraid of everything from gun shots, fireworks to torches and the sound that lighters make.
On one occasion, for giggles we fed him a hot dog sausage, which naturally pleased him no end, he sat there with the hot dog hanging from his mouth like a cigar, when all of a sudden he sharply inhaled, the sausage vanished completely. No biting, chewing of savoring, it was just the funniest suction noise and gone, at this point he became very excited, tail wagging and bouncing around. He seemed truly proud of himself that day.
(Thu 14th Jun 2007, 7:06, More)

» Pet Stories

The littlest Hobo
During my time in the security industry, being the scourge of Exeter Bus Station, I was alerted one night by a sound which I percieved to be someone choking to death.
Upon investigation, I discovered that it was in fact a doped up homeless git, attempting to hang his puppy from a sign post on the lower level of the bus station. The dog looked terrified and close to death, so I did what any upstanding citizen would do, I twatted the b*stard with my maglite. Dog drops, runs off like a shot. Police are called, bloke staggers off (I wasn't chasing him, they carry needles don't you know).
So, police arrived, dude gets arrested, they hunt for the dog for about 45 minutes to no avail and cart said bum off to the station.
Well, an hour or so later there's a scratching at my office door. I open it and in comes this puppy, looking cold and unhappy. It heads straight for the corner and curls up. I give it something to eat and some water and she sleeps the rest of the night there. Come morning, I with an improvised lead made from my key chain decide to take her home and then off to the pound to be re-located or whatever.
Well, I get home, wife wakes up, sees dog, little un wakes up, sees dog. Other dog wakes up and looks unimpressed at the invading pup...
Well, this was thanksgiving morning (wife is american) and she refused to take the dog to the pound when were all about to have a big thanksgiving feast, so I had to agree to let her spend the night.
2 and a half years later, her name is Titch and she is completely and utterly devoted to me. My wife says I'm her hero for saving her life.
Completely true story. She's a fantastic dog.

Length? alot longer than when we first met.
(Wed 13th Jun 2007, 12:31, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

A Boy Named Carpet
Don't know why, his name was Steve. Used to wind up the teachers at school, delighted in being the centre of attention.
The weirdest and funniest incident from my mind was when he was being told to calm down by a certain female teacher. Now, I shoul point out, Steve had an unhealthy obsession with Baked beans. Everything had something to do with Beans. His expression if he found something cool was simply, "beans on toast"
Anyways, the incident in question involved this teacher yelling at him to stop whatever the hell it was she was doing, prompting him to issue the following command, musically I might add.
He sang "Take your beans home and blow your knickers off"

All those present, never forgot that little dittie.
(Mon 22nd Jan 2007, 13:42, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

Cat nap
A party at a friend's place, maybe 8 or 9 years ago, middle of winter and very cold. Anyways, about 9 or 10 guys and girls decide to spend the night, huddled uncomfortably on the living room floor, desperately trying to keep warm. After about 3 hours of trying to sleep, I drunkenly get a good idea. I sneak out into the dining room, turn on the gas fire and lay down in front of it for warmth.
6 hours later I wake up with a cat asleep on my back and a blister the size of my hand, near my kidney area. Shouldn't have fallen asleep by the fire. Anyway, upon discovring this, and not immediately sure what it was, I'm quite concerned as to what this growth is and I leap to my feet, the cat freaks out and digs it's claws, right into the blister, popping it and spilling it's contents all over my jeans. that was possibly the most bizarre and yet painful sensation I've ever felt.

Edit: I was nice and toasty though.
(Sun 31st Dec 2006, 12:19, More)