» Pubs

I once saw a termite walk into
a pub and ask "is the bar tender here?"

/coat
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 8:39, More)

» School Days

BigMac
I was lucky to be in the last English class that Mr A J MacTavish, aka The BigMac taught before headmasterly duties took him out of the classroom.
A touch eccentric (he once abseiled off the school roof at the end of term and listened to recordings of steam engines in his car), he treated all the kids (12 to 18) as adults and helped set many a moral compass. I still recall his way of showing the power of words: writing the names of the class on paper, then tearing it up and bining it (well it made an impression on me at least).
A few years after I left, he turned up as the head' on some TV show that put modern kids into a mock 50s environment. On it he made a chav hold two big wooden skittles out in front of him as a punishment. The kicker for the chav whose arms started to drop after 2 mins was that BigMac had already done it himself for 30 - he could be harsh but wouldn't give out anything he could not take himself.

Anyway, here's the funny bit: BigMac had his old cane mounted in a glass case in the corridor outside his office for the whole to see on the by to assembly. One day we all file out to see someone had stuck a post-it on the bottom.

"Break glass in case of emergency"

Brilliant!

Sorry for only small funny at the end but the earlier tribute needed to be made.
Length? About 4 foot before bending back on itself.

/re lurks
(Wed 4th Feb 2009, 17:24, More)

» Nativity Plays

I played Emperor No Dough
in our version middle school christmas play "Alladin and his Wonderful Gamp". I've no idea why it was gamp and not lamp and the fact that Emperor No Dough was penniless raised as many chuckles then as it has now. Sorry to have wasted your time but frankly if you've kept reading into day eight (8)! Of this QOTD, you've clearly little else to do...

Pardon the length, it was only meant to last a week...
(Thu 2nd Apr 2009, 23:45, More)

» Housemates

When it all goes too far...
Fortunately not my housemate but one of my coursemates...
My friend 'E' shared a room in a student house; a square room with no partition to allow any privacy, all she could really do was pretend to be asleep and pull the covers up when her room mate brought guys back for an energetic shag in the opposite bed.
Her room mate (cant remember her name now so it may as well be 'A') didnt get on with two 3rd year girls in the house, who had roomed together all the way through Uni and so a bit of a feud began. What sparked it off no one could really remember but it was possibly the long, exuberant sessions with a noisy vibrator in the communal bathroom which was situated next to their room (shaging with her roommate present was OK but wanking must have been a more personal matter?!?)
Anyway, to cut an already rambling story down to size, suffice it to say that a few rounds of tit for tat soon got out of hand.
Starting with all the bathroom products being poured down the drain (and creating an unwanted foam party behind the house), oranges being injected with ink and pickle jars with a new bleach additive, it almost ended with 'A' moving out. Unfortunately 'A' still had her front door key and used it to come back one final time and leave some not-very-fresh badger roadkill in one of the kitchen cupboards.
Rentakill had to come fully suited up to remove the poor creature and all the maggots and flies that it had spawned during its short stay.
How could this have been avoided? Follow the Golden Rule : Always get the keys back.
(Wed 4th Mar 2009, 18:27, More)