» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

Thank you for calling first!
In my spare time, I volunteer as a counselor on a suicide crisis line (this is not a "hooray for me" post, not to worry), and I'd like to take a moment to thank the individuals who, despite their pain and desperation, pick up the phone and give us a call.

Believe me, NOT killing yourself is the often the nicest possible thing you can ever do for your family, your friends, and all the future friends and family you'd otherwise not get the chance to meet.

If you've every seen the aftermath of a suicide, or heard from the family or friends of someone who's killed himself/herself, you know it's not something you'd want to inflict on anyone.

Even if you think nobody would care, believe me, they do. No matter how alone you are, there are people who would like to know you if you'd take the chance, and there are probably people who like you already, who'd be very upset to hear of your demise, that you just need to get back into better contact with.

It's not a sign of weakness to get help for depression. It's a mental illness, and if it's severe, you can no more "suck it up and get on with it" than you could "suck it up" if you had cancer, and you know it's severe if you're thinking about ending it all, even if you joke about it too.

Depression is also the most treatable of mental ilnesses, and with a combination of therapy and/or medication, many people get past it and find a life with joy and meaning.

Killing yourself isn't something to romanticize, it's a miserable, horrible, pathetic mess with all kinds of collateral damage.

So to those of you who've considered it, but have taken the time to call a hotline or get help on your own, I thank you on behalf of all your current and future friends that are left unbereaved (and your future self, who will thank you in time). Whether you believe it or not, the world is (and can continue to be) a better place with you in it.

If you're British or Irish, call the Samaritans:
In the UK dial 08457 90 90 90.
In the Republic of Ireland dial 1850 60 90 90

If you're a Merkin, call:
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-273-TALK

If you're not any of those, well, get on with it then. Cut vertically, not horizontally, the knot goes behind the ear for proper severing of the spinal cord, you need a good height for jumping unless you just want broken legs, etc. (This is B3TA after all, it wouldn't be right to post without the obligatory tasteless comment.)

Seriously though, just use GOOGLE to find a suicide hotline / crisis center / psychiatrist / therapist / etc., or just go to your local emergency room, they can help, and there are options regardless of how little you can afford.

Thanks again for calling. Even if your life doesn't mean much to you now, it does (or could) mean everything to someone else.
(Sun 5th Oct 2008, 6:36, More)

» Cheap Tat

How many lawyers does it take to shingle a roof?
About 6 years ago, being tired of the IT profession, I went back for a law degree. No work for 3 years, higher salary potential, meet the potential Mrs. Bigvegan, all would be awesome!

Not considering I had no idea what being a lawyer was all about. I mean, would you go to welding school without realizing that you spend most of your time putting bits of metal together with lots of sparky smoky high-voltage? How I missed the fact that I was signing up for a life of soul-killing paperwork drudgery was beyond me.

Not considering that your grades follow you FOR LIFE, effectively making me (at the top of the bottom half) unemployable at the firms that pay enough to make the drudgery bearable.

Not considering that once you've got a law degree, it's almost IMPOSSIBLE to get a regular job again, as nobody wants to hire someone who can sue for free.

And most especially not considering that the future Mrs. Bigvegan has MOST DEFINITELY NOT attended law school. Three years of being trained to argue and twist logic into hitherto unrecognized forms is not what I'm looking for in a loving mate.

So that would make my law degree the single most useless piece of crap I've ever bought.

But cheap? Not hardly. I've got another 17 years of paying off loans.

Don't do it kids.

(For those of you paying attention to the subject line, the answer is "About three, but you have to slice them pretty thin.")

Pop!
(Sun 6th Jan 2008, 20:54, More)

» Common

White Supremacists
I mean, for the love of heaven, if you really believe your race is superior, why not prove it by curing cancer, developing an engine that runs on seawater, inventing the warp drive, stopping starvation, etc., etc.?

It's not like getting stupid tattoos, dressing like an idiot, or writing marginally literate screeds about racial purity is really going to prove your point.

(Maybe it's for the best though, it would be a little awkward if some inbred bigot opened a "Space Travel for White People Only" agency.)
(Sat 18th Oct 2008, 18:53, More)

» Kids

B3tans please...
Please stop talking about overpopulation as part of your choice not to breed.

The world is NOT overpopulated by Americans and Britons with the resources to see that their children are well-educated and disciplined and capable of becoming productive and contributing members of society.

The more SMART people that choose to breed, and the MORE smart children they have, the better off the world will be.

Without lots and lots of future b3tans and others of similar ilk that value sick humor and common decency, the world is headed for trouble.
(Sat 19th Apr 2008, 16:45, More)

» Mix Tapes

A pun is its own reword...
Chimpanzee + Food Processor = Mixed Ape.
Scotch + Duct + Masking + Electrical = Mixed Tapes.
A variety of memorial bugle calls = Mixed Taps.
Mr. Jagger's favorite shades of gray-brown = Mick's Taupes.


Oh I could go in, but I'm sure that's more than enough for most of you.
(Mon 11th Feb 2008, 2:07, More)