» I'm going to Hell...

I used to work in Sydenham Library
'Twas a Saturday job. Good money but dull. As a teenager, it was the place where I discovered just how viciously competitive old ladies could be.
Any time a new Catherine Cookson / Barbara Cartland etc (this was many moons ago) book was due out there'd be the same clutch of angry old biddies insisting they were the first on the reserve list.
If there was a delay in publication it was my fault. If the old cow was in hospital and missed her reserve date then it was my fault if some other biddy got the book.
So, fuck it, it was the right thing to do to swap the covers so instead of some romantic shit as promised on the outside, they started reading a Sven Hassel or James Herbert, the bitches.

I also used to draw tiny cocks in the pages of large print books.
(Sat 13th Dec 2008, 0:51, More)

» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

Hanna Barbera turned me to the dark side
The Hooded Claw tying up Penelope Pitstop every week, for fuck's sake. God, she was gorgeous. Heee-yelp! Heee-yelp!
(Fri 6th Nov 2009, 17:39, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

McDonald's french fries
are fucking disgusting, yet the serving staff look at me like I'm a Daily Mail reader when I say No, I don't want fries with that.
(Wed 21st Oct 2009, 14:12, More)

» This book changed my life

Depenistration and pervy nuns
Two books.
"The Fog" by James Herbert, which I bought in my early teens. Ever since then, I've had an aversion to having my penis cut off by school caretakers with garden shears.
On an earlier occasion I had innocently bought "Merlin" by Robert Nye, which had somehow found itself in the teen fiction area of my local WH Smith. I was really into King Arthur and all that stuff and was shocked to find the book stuffed with knightly sex, shit-eating foxes, and whipping nuns. That's when I started keeping boxes of tissues beside my bed and started locking the bedroom door.
(Fri 16th May 2008, 12:53, More)