» Going Too Far

Jesus Christ.....
...I used to run a website for cyberspanners, which was very funny indeed, then I published a newsletter entitled 'Jesus Christ's Cock up the Virgin Mary's Arse'- which was really going a bit too far...
(Tue 14th Nov 2006, 14:48, More)

» Conspiracy theory nutters

Secret underground holding pens....
Apparently, on September 11, all the Jews in both towers took the day of sick but this was covered up.
Also, the aeroplanes were in fact cruise missiles which had been 'dressed up' to look like Boeing 737's.
This is presumably because it's much easier to disguise a cruise missile as an object many times larger than itself (and a different shape) than it is to wire up some actual planes with remote control and pack them full of explosives.
I mean, where would you put the explosives? In that compartment which is, er, specially designed to hold cargo? Or what?
It gets better though. The planes corresponding with the real flight numbers which the 'cruise missiles in disguise' substituted were diverted by military jets - with their payload of passengers - to a remote base in the central states.
Everyone on board was forced into an underground city, where they will live out the rest of their natural lives under armed guard, at the Government's expense.
Because if you're going to kill thousands and thousands of people by crashing cruise missiles into your own cities, the thought of killing 300 odd in a plane crash is just mad. Mad I tell you.
(Fri 28th Aug 2009, 13:07, More)

» Banks

Opening hours...
I used to be a financial journalist. I was writing a piece that criticised banks for their stupid hours when a spokesman for Lloyds TSB told me that their hours were just like any other retail business on the British high street.
Presumably then this is why the economy is fucked - consumer spending as at rock bottom because no fucker can get to the shops while they're open.
(Fri 17th Jul 2009, 12:09, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Dog turd...
My brother once came in from a night out with his girlfriend when I was about 17 and found me and my mates getting smashed in the living room.
We were probably quite obnoxious, but what made him really angry was that our springer spaniel, Brandy, had curled out a nice big turd on the sofa and he'd sat in it.
Obviously we started pissing ourselves laughing, but he didn't get the joke, in fact he became so enraged that he actually picked up the turd with his bare hands and threw it at my head!
That was a pretty childish thing to do, but I'm glad he did it.
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 10:42, More)

» Going Too Far

My brother...
...and I were on a pub crawl in Harbourne when a blind man stopped him to ask for help crossing the road. My brother responded angrily, shouting: "fuck off you mentalist - why do they always choose me??!"
Afterwards he claimed he didn't know that the man was blind, and thought he was a nutter, but even if that was the case, I think he went a bit too far.
(Fri 17th Nov 2006, 13:02, More)