» Unemployed

I work for a big mobile firm that rhymes with Bo Poo....
This week my job is at risk from redundancy, and (although I am sh*ting my pants) I am weighing up the odds.
Potentially I have 7mths wages as a pay out.
I have debts of about half of that I could pay off.
I am interested in learning a trade - this is why I am posting this to my fellow b3tans.
Am I being a fool? Or should I get redeployed into a role I don't want but will pay my mortgage (I have 3 kids also).
Apologies for the lack of punchline.... :-(
(Fri 3rd Apr 2009, 22:02, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

Michael McIntyre & Ugg Boots
The former is a smug narcissistic tit who suffers from chubby chinaman laughing face and can't stop laughing at his own inane "observations".
The latter are the most unattractive pieces of footwear ever created. Even worse is the fact they cost about 150quid! Even crocs are sexier, and they're about as sexy as Bella Emberg in a thong.
If I saw Michael McIntyre actually wearing Ugg boots I would implode from sheer disgust.
(Thu 15th Oct 2009, 18:44, More)

» Pubs

I was 16 going on 17.....
.....at sixth form college.
There was a student night at a club in Portsmouth that me and my mate decided to go to.
We arrived at Portsmouth station and proceeded to enter the first pub we came across for some "pre-party drinks".
We supped our pints of cider very slowly (as we were only young) and commented on the lack of females in the establishment.
That was because it was a Gay man's pub (about 2 lesbian couples in but that didn't really register at the time). Not that Gay pubs are bad, just when you're 17 and not wanting to appear anything other than hetero of the year it's a bit stressful!
But this was bit a mere prelude to the main event of my tale.
The next pub/bar we dared enter seemed ok. We strolled up to the bar, ordered our beers (no ID required, nice).
Next we notice 2 lads next to us drinking at the bar. One obviously a bit worse for wear, t'other giggling like a freak at his friends pissedness.
What I saw next has stuck with me ever since.
Pissed guy proceeds to bite into his glass, removing about a third from 1 side of it into his mouth.
He then chews the glass so as a crunching sound is heard, followed by the flow of blood from each side of his lips.
It didn't stop.
For ages.

I alert Barman who obviously wasn't expecting this sort of activity.

He runs outside to nearby club and grabs a bouncer who does the obligatory,

What I remember most is the image of his friend, laughing, laughing and laughing at this occurance.

Nothing surprises me now. Unfortunately.
(Thu 5th Feb 2009, 22:05, More)

» Addicted

Fags Booze and Cocaine - not proud
I was always a "all or nothing" kind of person. As well as a closet perfectionist.

Not one for wanting to bore people, here's a quick resume of so far....


Been "depressed" on and off since age 16 - was always life & soul of party on outside. Cliche-tastic.
Started smoking at 15 fascinated by it. Mum and brother did it - what could possibly be bad about it?
Started drinking soon after, then I left home for Uni and I really became good at it.
Spent best part of 10yrs between states of drunk and sober.
Early 2000-2003 found me single, 25, and feeling the need to utilise my youth(!) by clubbing, getting drunk, experimenting with pills, and the demon cocaine. I had a fascination with underground culture.
In 2000-2001 I attempted suicide on 2 occasions. Number 2 ended up in a Mental Institution (not sectioned, though I think if I'd refused entry that'd been the next option). Also diagnosed with Bi-polar Affective Disorder.
Got married to love and saviour of my love. Became Dad. Worked hard. Gave up coke for 2 years.
Then like a twat started doing coke again.

From my therapy and self-analysis I believe I was self-prescribing coke as a substitute for lost "manic" periods (been on lithium and effexor since 2001 which for me as made me bland).

I am (nearly) free of my main demon (the coke). I hope to be completely clean before the new year. I am free of the cigarettes (piece of piss to give up compared to anything else 0 including alcohol) save for the odd one every other month or so. I still drink well above the recommended amount. This is my next demon to conquer.

When I was a kid I was healthy, sporty, loved skateboarding, mountain biking and anything which made your hair stand on end!

At 33 I am overweight, lethargic, and I yearn for my innocence.

Apologies for lack of humour. I've always joked too much anyhow.
(Sat 20th Dec 2008, 19:50, More)

» Best Films Ever

Can I just say.....
....this has been one of the most interesting QOTWs for quite a while.
People's "best... (insert film, album, toenail, root vegetable etc)" is, to me, fascinating and strong indicator of someones personality.
Yeah, I've posted mine (on page 7) and read all posts so far.... love it.
I'm no prude (f*ck no), but surely QOTWs don't ALWAYS have to be about the obscure, risque or border on the illegal - so stop moaning guys - you only have to wait a week at most!!!!
This one has been ace - peace.
(Sat 19th Jul 2008, 21:24, More)