» Have you ever seen a dead body?

For Those Looking For Fluffeh Tiemz
My kitten was hit by a car yesterday :( It wasn't pretty at all.






At the vets presently recovering though! Lucky bastard :)
(Mon 3rd Mar 2008, 10:39, More)

» Dumb things you've done

I got this massive tattoo done on my back..
Cost £500 and took a year to do. Turns out the guy it's of is gay, so I'm the butt of all the jokes at work and feel a complete wazzock.

Sincerely,

Paul Croft
(Mon 24th Dec 2007, 22:40, More)

» Beautiful but Bonkers

The Air Hostess (Says alot really..)
There was this one lass I will always remember. It's more through the sheer terror imprinted into my memory than the fun times we had. I shall call her Roxy. Roxy was a blonde haired, blue eyed female with all the right curves in all the right places. She was bubbly, outgoing and level headed (so it seemed). Roxy started to date another college friend of mine; Bill. Now Bill wasn't all there - a little paranoid as most men can be but if she was on b3ta, I'm sure she'd answer this QOTW about him.

Anywho, push came to shove and Roxy and myself didn't see each other again. I went to classes less and less which probably didn't help. One fateful day I quite literally bumped into her and she blurted out her lifestory with Bill in around 30 seconds. In a nutshell "We're over do you want to go out sometime?" This is where I was a little naive and thought it was going to be a catch up, full breakdown of events with Bob and so on (like before as Roxy and I were pretty close). She turns up at my place and after hinting all night and pestering me for a kiss, I cave in and kiss her.

I should have stopped there (because it wasn't very good for one) but something in the back of my head wouldn't let me. I believe it was her hand actually. Heh. Right thinks I, enough is enough I don't want this so let's kick her out. I play the "I'm really tired, can we call it a night" game. Yes, I was that desperate. This failed and to hurry the story up a bit, she stayed over. Turns out she already had her things because she never planned to go home. Yikes. Alarm bells are ringing but I'm a bit like a rabbit in the headlights. Push comes to shove and we get down to it. Despite the bad kissing, it was bloody fantastic. Didn't get a wink of sleep and she loved every minute of it.

I should have realised things were going bad when she was poised over me, trying to turn me on by licking her lips - you know how they do in the movies that brings every guy to his knees. Well it wasn't like that at all, I can see it now and it brings a tear to my eye. I should have run a mile when towards the end of a session she tried talking dirty saying I should "[insert your own phrase here] like a naughty little girl." Each to their own is what I thought, and bless her she was trying (did I mention the sex was brilliant though).

Morning comes (as did we) and I have to kick her out. Literally. She begged me not to leave and had, whilst I slept, planned our wedding, childrens' names and where we were going to live.

I thought I had got away with it. One stupid night of..I'm not sure really. Sleeping with someone just to get them off your case isn't the nicest thing in the world. Nevertheless she hadn't the foggiest and then the texts and phone calls started. You can imagine the type; "we are soooooo good together" "I can't wait to have you again." The phone calls were worse. Remembering as an Air Hostess she was sometimes landing in the UK at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning. Then calling me. I grunted or mumbled something down the phone "cock off I'm sleeping" several nights in a row yet she still called. And called. Then called some more. Hearing my voice made her whole day worthwhile. Thankfully she forgot where I lived and couldn't harrass me there. I think she's got a new boyfriend and has been with him sometime since she finished stalking me. The whole thing was a lot worse than I can ever describe - partially because I have a mental block on every little detail.

I'm not apologising for length or girth; I didn't to her and she loved it. Thinking about it, that might have been the problem..
(Tue 21st Nov 2006, 16:57, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

No pun here
Short story: I slept with a colleague's long-term girlfriend..a few times a week for about 6 months. When he found out, he moved departments as he couldn't work with me. He quit within a year.


Long story: Many years ago I worked on the Cycles Dept. in Halfords. As it's kind of shift work, sometimes you don't certain people all the time. The guy in question worked on a Saturday and started doing a few Friday shifts which after a year of working there, is how I met him. Myself and another colleague were on the rebound (not from each other, obviously) so he suggested we get some beers with him and his missus. She would provide some friends. 4 guys, 2 girls. Oh the fun. Anywho, the dating couple had a huge row and he'd had a few drinks so stormed off in his car. The missus and her mate burst into tears - apparently this guy's a right bastard to her and can lash out.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, said couple are still seperated and she's on the rebound. Her mate was seeing my mate, so the logical step was for us to hook up.

Word got round work - some people found it highly amusing, pictures of the ex girlfriend were circulated..he was totally in the dark. A few people thought I was a right cunt, and I nearly felt bad - but I didn't really know the guy, and I didn't really like him anyway so I didn't care.

Two months later and they're going to try and sort it out. That was fine with me as I was still getting my leg over, and it was dawning on me that the lass did still quite like her ex fella, even though he was an ass. He turned up at my house one morning as he'd found out she had spent the night with me. I fobbed him off with a 'seperate rooms' story and then coincidently he started asking me for advise..there's a nasty rumor about me and women going around, sheesh!

Around the six month mark the lass takes an overdose (luckily I was in the building). Sitting in the hospital, her ex shows up. The truth comes out in true Eastender's style with lots of crying, shouting and dramatic pauses. But wait, turns out the work colleague has been seeing someone on the quiet anyway.

So, I'm a bastard colleague. Or am I? This sneaky bastard used me as an excuse to switch departments - easier job, better incentives so he started making more cash. Him and the significant other were also pulling a fast one and every so often, shagged like rabbits before realising they just weren't going to sort it out. This happened a fair few times. He'd also posed crudely for some 'sexy' photos for the lass - which myself and my friend came across when searching her phone photos in the folder 'empty.' Those images are burnt into my memory forever - his long gangly body laid out across her bed, with bunches of his hair pulled up and secured using assorted colour hair-bands, and a raging hard-on to boot. This one never got passed around work.

To tip the scales, I did tell a few folk he asked for things to be inserted into his bottom. I'm not sure how true it is, but it was spread around work, and it came from the mouth of his ex. On the Store Manager's last day, he went to shake everybody's hand as we left. There was one hand he didn't shake - followed by the words 'Careful son, I know where that's been.'

He quit within a year, mainly for a better job as it all went downhill after the above Manager left. Still, makes the short version far more interesting.

I was probably 18 at the time, and they were together for 2 years or so. I still see the guy and we get on well. He actually thanked me because it got him together with a lovely new lass - infact I believe they're still a couple. The lass is now at Uni and doing really well for herself - apparently they were holding each other back.

Length? I didn't study the photo for too long, but it looked more than adequate.
(Wed 30th Jan 2008, 17:56, More)

» Ripped Off

Playstation One
Years ago when I was a nipper, venturing to the town centre alone to browse the shops was a frightening thing. Everything was so big - I was around the age that it was still possible to get lost in Tesco, and you couldn't cross until the green man was displayed instead of the red one.

I had been quite ill if I recall and as a treat for being such a good lad, my father took me into town to go and look at all the latest gadgets and electronic paraphernalia there was at the time - big TV's, casette players, landline telephones and such like. My Dad liked keeping up with technology, and so did I. CD's might have been available back then, I honestly don't recall. But if they were, looking at a CD Player was pretty groundbreaking for me.

Right, back to the story! We popped into the local Electronic Boutique store because I'd been telling my Dad how my friend had a Nintendo 64 and another had a Playstation and they were both really really cool. Being so naive and probably simple minded I had not twigged to the events forthcoming. He asked which I preferred, and I gazed at the display console boxes on the top shelf (this was a full 'tilt the head back as far as possible and step backwards' affair) before settling on the Playstation because I liked the games better. One phone call later (to clear it with my mother) and I had a shiny new Playstation, memory card and a couple of games.

This is where I begin to feel a little ripped off. You see, years later I discovered Mario RPG on the N64, Banjo Kazooe and the likes. Bags more fun than the Playstation. I was probably 14/15 by now. But I loved my playstation. I felt I had made the right choice (which I blatently did). Thing is, I ended up purchasing an N64 with Mario RPG and a rumble pack for fifty something quid. When it clearly wasn't worth it. Needless to say I was a little mad. I then didn't play the N64 as much as I hoped, which is typical of me really. Get the itch for something new, purchase it and then stop using it or lose interest in it after a few months.

The N64 was then stored under my bed all kept tidily in Tesco carrier bags. Few years later I decide it's time to get the N64 out for a bit of retro gaming. The sodding bags had only gone and disintergrated on me. Noone told me they were biodegradable! The mess under my bed (well, in a drawer under my bed) was astouding. It still is as I refuse to tidy it all up. Talk about ripped off, I smuggled those carrier bags away from my mother's watchful eye and for what?!
(Mon 19th Feb 2007, 0:55, More)