» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

a final bedtime story
At a party during my mid teens, got hammered and ended up on the floor amongst all the other bodies. Waking up next to a couple half undressed and groping each other made me feel horny, but unfortunately they weren’t up for a threesome. Things improved sometime later when I awoke to see some lads lifting a comatose teen into a wardrobe on the floor and slowly turn it over. Sometime passed and they waited drinking juice and keeping quiet…. Eventually the contents of the wooden box stirred at which point someone began reciting “ashes, to ashes, dust to dust we commend his soul to all eternity, etc, etc” and chucked some coins, pasta, rice and other crap onto the box. The contents murmered, stirred, paused and then began screaming, kicking and sobbing loudly that he was still alive as the books and piles of clothes (sods of earth) were thrown onto his coffin. I’ll never forget the pure white tear streaked face of that dead teenager when he was dug up out of his tomb.
(Tue 2nd Jan 2007, 16:28, More)

» Top Tips

Instant picnic bars
Eat nothing all day, go to a pub and drink Guinness until closing, eat only peanuts & raisins. Go home and go to sleep. Wake up and dump required lengths in a controlled manor on to a baking tray, air dry for 2hrs. Serve. Slightly more savoury than sweet, but a cheap & effective substitute nonetheless. Enjoy.
(Wed 23rd May 2007, 11:25, More)