» Why should you be fired from your job?

Typical drunken fool at the xmas party
We all get drunk at the office party and regret things the next day, however I am still in my job, despite calling my immeadiate boss a fucking whore at the xmas dinner table.

I then vomited into my dinner and fell off my chair and had to be put in a cab home.

It was 9.15pm
(Thu 9th Aug 2007, 20:16, More)

» Evil Pranks

A little drama
My girlfriends mum was a highly strung nervous wreck, she used to dress her up as robocop for chrisakes if she wanted to go rollerskating.

One day, we thought we'd give her mum her 10th heart attack that year and carefully laid out a scene in the driveway of her house...my friend lay on the floor, i carefully lay my bike on top of her in a heap, her bike next to it. With some fake blood from Halloween left over, i pour on her hands and face and she lays perfectly still.

We both scream as loud as we can and I then knock on the door to surprise her mum.

I have never seen a woman move so fast out of the door only to get to her laughing daughter covered in red goo, to stop still and nearly burst into tears.

i feel awful, but manage to still find the whole thing funny, until I realise i would not be allowed out past 6pm for the rest of the summer.

Bitch.
(Sun 16th Dec 2007, 21:06, More)

» Insults

Downer
After a particularly heavy night of drinking, I was told the next morning I looked like a down syndrome child who had been stung by wasps.

Nice
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 16:56, More)

» Nightclubs

Serves you right
After a massive all day drink-a-thon (the kind you have in your early twenties, a long time ago for me now) I ended up in a club in Chelmsford called Club Zues.

I really was twatted, and quite surprised I was let in, managed to bowl through the crowds to the front of the bar, much to everyones annoyance.

After getting a round of beer and shots (classy) I wondered back to my friends, forgettinhg the bar was at the top of a flight of stairs to the dancefloor. Down I went, spliing drinks all over the place, cracking my lip and cheekbone on the stairs. Some people laughed, some people helped, the bouncers were cunts and chucked me out.

Thanks chaps.
(Mon 13th Apr 2009, 23:37, More)

» Pet Peeves

Rude fucks
I fucking despise people with no manners. It makes me feel so fucking angry i want to spit blood and spill theirs.

Whether it's saying please, thank you, holding a door, smiling or acknowledging another person if they have moved out of the way for you to pass, not putting feet on seats, eating with mouths closed, covering mouth when coughing/yawning/burping. These are all things that we, as a general rule of thumb, appreciate that are good manners.

These fucking vicious, feral scum buckets that have no manners, have no redeeming qualities in my eyes.

Many thanks
x
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 22:04, More)