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» Voyeurism

New years treat
Once had an apartment (posh flat) in docklands. Our kitchen window overlooked a 2 storey mezzanine type studio flat with floor to celing windows.

In the flat lived an attractive young lady who was probably an escort. She would often have a man, a woman, two men, two women, a man and a women and shag them on the sofa, the floor and the bed, all with no curtains to hide them. I could be washing up while watching a lesbian 69 session. I have never done so much washing up.

I told this to my friends who were convinced I was either making it up or exaggerating it a little. We held a new years party at my place and all the time my friends were continually checking the kitchen window to verify my story. Then Fat Dave calls out something along the lines of "Bloody Hell!" About twenty people gather around the small window to witness a chap giving the girl a good pounding at which point, he looks up and directly at our window. After a quiet pause of about 2 seconds of us watching him and him watching us, we all in unison raised our glasses and cheered! Soon after, curtains were hung and the dirty dishes stacked up once more.

Also, the apartment complex would get very hot in the summer and everyone had their windos open. A few times a week someone nearby would have very noisy sex that everyone could hear, actual proper full on screaming. One night at about 1am, she climaxed, waking me from my sleep, I walked to the window, shouted "Wooo" and clapped. Then I heard a whistle from across the flats, then a cheer, then a big manly "Yeah!!!", followed by a numerous other applauds from other open windows. She was quieter after that.
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 10:35, More)

» Customers from Hell

Another techtard
Him: This is the fifth time I've bought my PC in to be fixed and you tell me there is nothing wrong with it. It won't start at home.

Me: I've had it up on the bench for hours running all sorts of tests and can't find anything wrong.

Him: (getting very angry): It won't start at home. You are lying to me.

Me: I assure you. It is yours. I have already spent hours on this and I have other customers to deal with.

Him: (crossing the line) It's not mine. Your not even fucking looking at my fucking computer

Me: It is yours and I can prove it. I'm opening your internet history...

Him: Stop, no!

Me: ...and it says you have visited...

Him: That's private information, you can't look at that!!

Me: ...adultfriendfinder.com, russianbrides.com...

Him: STOP THAT NOW!! THAT'S PRIVATE!! I'm GOING TO COMPLAIN TO YOUR MANAGER!!!

Me: ...transgenderlove.com, sadococklove.com, does this sound familiar to you?

(click!)


Me: You might have a shitty phonecall coming your way

The boss: ...

(ring ring!!)


I didn't get a bollocking and we had a bloody good laugh about it. However, my boss had agreed to make up for it by sending someone to his house to fix it on site. Naturally I declined to do it myself.


We also used to have a guy bring his PC which was full of gay pr0n, but he had very lovingly pasted his face on to the man taking it in each picture. It must have taken ages and his photoshopping skills were quite good. Anyone on here?
(Fri 5th Sep 2008, 16:23, More)

» Evil Pranks

Hitler moustache
We recently invented a new game, the catchly titled 'draw the Hitler moustache on the passed out person using permanent marker without them waking up'.

It's funny at the time and considerably funnier in the morning. Quite difficult if the victim has a greasy lip.

Permanent marker really does live up to it's name.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 11:33, More)

» Insults

A German friend recently gave me...
Fuss-Föhner

Apparently translates as "you hair dry your feet".

We quickly adapted this to 'fotze-föhner'
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 17:50, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

Be careful who you wind up
We had our fair share of weird kids in our year. Being ginger, I took a bit of flack, but I also gave out my fair share. This chap was in our school year: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/bristol/5119354.stm I don't know if he went nuts because of the way he was treated or if he was treated that way because he was nuts already.

Next time be nice to the weird kid. Buy them a mars bar invite them to join you at lunch. We should all be looking out for each other.

No apologies for the lack humour.
(Thu 25th Jan 2007, 10:40, More)
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