» Guilty Secrets

Used a Labrador as a weapon.
As a bored teenager, I once removed the non-slip covering from my parents window seat knowing full well that our dog used to leap onto said window seat barking furiously whenever anybody came to the door.

A few minutes later the man from the local Labour party turned up to collect membership subs. When he knocked on the door he was greeted by an explosion of glass and a Labrador hurtling towards him.

I never saw him again.

The dog was OK as well (amazingly).

I replaced the cover and told my mum that the dog had "just gone mental".

Glad to get that off my chest...
(Tue 4th Sep 2007, 16:23, More)

» Work Experience

One way glass and getting the boss sacked.
Whilst at college I was forced to do work experience in the town centre office of our local 'enterprise trust'. It was funded by the council, local business people and some accounting firm, and its job was supposedly to help local people start their own businesses.
They had a female secretary, an utterly useless manager who was on 'secondment' from said accounting firm and me.

Initially it was quite entertaining because I got to arrange the appointments, so I concentrated on booking in the most obviously insane people with equally insane ideas. I remember one who wanted to buy a small boat and use it to sell booze to people walking along the canal towpath, and another who wanted to sell dolls made out of sellotape - you get the picture...

After a week or two the manager and secretary realised that I could pretty much handle this rubbish without them being there and started to take days off together (it was pretty obvious what was going on).

Left on my own for days on end, I tired of reading the paper and discovered that during daylight hours the one way glass covering the office front was completely opaque when viewed from the street, so I could do whatever I liked in the office and the masses of people walking about outside couldn't see a thing. I started off with a few v-signs and pressing my face to the window whenever anybody tried to peer through it, then I progressed to dancing around the office stark naked (I'll leave you to imagine the rest).

During one of my nude days, I got a phone call from the manager's manager who wanted to know where he was, so I said that he hadn't been in for days, and neither had the secretary. Then he asked where the ***??** he was, so I said that he might want to try ringing the secretary's house.
I promptly put my clothes on and did a runner. Apparently he got sacked for gross misconduct.

Length? - only I know that thanks to the magic glass.
(Fri 11th May 2007, 15:35, More)

» Cross Dressing

Unexpected publicity.
The local pub ran a 'Miss Bull 95' night in which all of the men folk had to dress up in their wives/girlfriends clothes. I managed to get quite drunk that afternoon and decided it would be a good idea to join in that evening.

I staggered back into the pub at about 9:00 wearing a dress, makeup, beard etc. I looked like a drunken Elizabethan trollop.

Much to my amazement I won, and then vaguely remembered having my picture taken with Liz McDonald from Coronation Street (the one with the violent Scottish husband).

The next day we went past a newsagents and my friend said 'why don't you get the local paper and see if there is any mention of the night before?'

I thought something wasn't right when several people stared at me when I walked in, but it made sense once I saw that the front page of the Lancashire Evening Telegraph consisted of a picture of me and 'Liz' with the headline 'How drunk would you have to be to do this?'

Mother was not pleased...

Yes - I have the pictures, but they are staying on my hard drive thanks.
(Mon 19th Mar 2007, 10:25, More)